Wishful Thinking

When we bought our house ten years ago, I did not realize that the basement would be a great place to practice self-bondage.  I am sexually excited by being submissive to my wife.

My wife and I do not belong a any bdsm clubs, we do not attend munches, and I have never talked to any of my friends about how I like to serve my wife.  Bondage is strictly personal between my wife and I.

Our 100 year old house does not have a finished basement. The ceiling of the basement is not enclosed, so you can see the floor joists for the main floor of the house.

I purchased four large C-clamps, and fastened them in pairs on the floor joists.  Each pair of clamps is about 18 inches apart from each other; and the distance to the other pair is approximately 6 feet.  After washing a load of laundry, I hang wet clothes on hangers from the clamps. Hopefully, anybody who sees the clamps will not think of bdsm.

My wife usually gets up around 5:00 or 5:30 a.m.  She works four days a week.  I like to do self-bondage on the weekday when she does not go to work.  After a lot of experimentation, we came up with a self-bondage routine that works for both of us.

Since bdsm almost always happens once each week, and on the same day of the week, my diet is somewhat restricted for the two days before my self-bondage.  The diet restriction is designed so that I will not need to have a bowel movement during bondage.  Nothing to drink or eat until after my bondage session is over.

I plan to go to sleep by 9:00 before self-bondage, so I can try to get seven hours of sleep.  I go to the basement, and move any clothes so that I can easily access the C-clamps in the morning.  The last thing I do before going to sleep is to leave a hand written note for my wife on our computer.  She likes to check her e-mail messages when she gets up.  My note is just a reminder that I am waiting for her in the basement.

I wake up at 4:00, I go to the bathroom, and then take a fast shower, washing from my neck to my knees.

After I dry, I apply some lip balm, and I always begin by putting on my nipple clamps.  I have two pairs of nipple clamps, and one pair is more comfortable to wear.  The second nipple clamps that I bought is not really painful at all, the sensation on my nipples is constant squeezing.  As I get prepared for bondage, I will adjust the nipple clamps frequently to squeeze my nipples more.

I sit down on my knees, and spread my legs so that I can put on a ball splitter.  This is a leather strap with snaps that fits around the scrotum.  I never fasten the second strap that is supposed to separate the balls.  Instead, I have a weight that I attached to the strap by a small gauge chain so that my scrotum is pulled away from my body.  I have to walk carefully, so that I don't hit my knees on the weight.

When I get to the basement, I take out the box with all of our bdsm toys.  I leave a key ring with keys to padlocks hanging on a chain from one of the C-clamps.  This will be visible to my wife when she comes to the basement.

Because the concrete floor can be slippery, I purchased a roll of non-stick rubber matting that is designed for the shelves of kitchen cabinets.  I roll out about five feet, just enough for me to stand on.

I put on a leather belt high on my chest, above my nipples, and below my armpits.  On the leather belt are two large metal rings.  They are not fastened to the belt in any way, I have to move the rings manually so that they are under my armpits.

Time to increase the tension on my nipples again.

I purchased a set of four motorcycle tie down straps.  These nylon straps have rubber coated j-shaped hooks at both ends of each strap.  When the hooks are attached to whatever will be fastened, you can pull a strap through a cam so that the object cannot move.  There is a lever on the cam, and when you push on the lever, it loosens the tension on the strap so that you can move the strap in the opposite direction, releasing the object.

I hang a tie down strap from each of the C-clamps.

The next item I get out is a dog collar that I place around my neck.  At this time, it is not fastened tightly.  I will do that later.  At this time, I also place a blindfold around my neck, and also place a adjustable strap on each thigh.  This thigh strap has two d-rings so that the tension can be adjusted, and the d-rings stick out to the side so I can attach padlocks.  The next items I insert are some foam rubber ear plugs.  I roll them up tightly in my fingers, and place one in my ear, holding it in place while it expands.  I repeat this with the other ear.

I find the gag, and insert it.  This gag is made of wood, and is shaped like an egg.  It is large enough that I cannot quite close my mouth when I am wearing the gag.  This means that later I cannot keep saliva from leaking unless I try to look up at the ceiling.  At one end of the gag a screw has been inserted, and at the end of the screw is a small metal ring.  To keep the gag in my mouth, I use a 12 x 12 inch handerchief.  I insert one end of the handerchief through the small metal ring, and I tie the handerchief behind my neck, using a double granny knot.  The knot does not have to be a complicated knot because later I will be tying my hands so that they cannot reach my neck.

Time to increase the tension on my nipples again.

I put on some leather wrist cuffs with adjustable buckles. Each cuff has two large rings that are riveted to the cuffs.  After I put on the cuffs, I shift the cuffs around so that the rings are between my wrist and body.  Next, I place a 12-inch chain through one of the rings on each of the wrist cuffs, and place a padlock through two links of the chain.  I do not close the padlock yet.

Now it is time to get everything else that I will need out of the box of bdsm toys, and lay these items on the floor. When I attach the next item, the bondage will begin, and after I complete my self-bondage, I will need my wife's help to release myself.

I stand on the rubber matting that I put on the floor earlier.  I am standing naked so that my wife will first see my front side when she comes downstairs.  I have a spreader bar that I now put on.  This has a cuff that fits around each ankle.  Each cuff if fitted with a d-ring and if I wanted to, I could place a padlock through the d-ring. I have never used padlocks because I tie my hands later, so I cannot reach the cuffs.  I set the bar between the cuffs at the longest extension.  When I stand up, it feels like my ankles are a little bit wider than my shoulders.

I take the blindfold that I earlier hung around my neck, and I now place it around my eyes.  This is not a bondage blindfold, it is really only a sleeping mask, but it helps to block out the light.  I pick up a nylon bondage hood.  It is flexible, and I can breathe through it, but it does not have any openings for my eyes, nose, or mouth.  I cannot see through it, but I like to wear the hood as a second layer over the sleep mask.

Time to increase the tension on my nipples again.  Almost finished with the self-bondage.

After I am wearing the bondage hood, I adjust it so that the seam is comfortable on my head.  I pull the bottom edge of the bondage hood as low on my neck as possible.  Now, I take the dog collar that I attached loosely around my neck, and put it around the bondage hood.  After I make sure that the hood is completely under the dog collar, I fasten the collar as tightly as I can without cutting off my air circulation.  It is easier to fasten the dog collar if I place the buckle behind my neck.  The dog collar feels too tight, but then I fit the post into the hole on the collar, and a small bit of slack comes back into the collar.  It does feel tight, but my breathing is not restricted.

The last item that I pick up from the floor is a pair of hearing protection earmuffs that you might see somebody wearing around loud machinery.  I place them on my head over my ears, over the bondage hood.

I reach out to two of the tie down straps on one side of my body, grab them with my hand, and then loosely place the two j-hooks on one of the rings on the leather belt that is under my armpit.  I repeat this process on the other side of my body.

I lean to the right, reaching out with my hand to grab both handles of the nylon straps at the same time.  Once I am holding both straps from the right, this will limit how far I can lean to the left side.  I lean to the left, again reaching out to grab both handles of the nylon straps on that side.

After I am holding all four of the straps, I begin to slowly tighten the straps, first one side and then the other side.  I do not shave my armpits, so once in a while, my hair gets pulled as the tension on the belt is increased.

I keep pulling on the straps, trying to keep the tension even on both my right side and my left.  After I let go of one strap from each side, I will try to lean forward, backward, and to each side.  I can tighten the remaining two straps again if I want to.

Once I am satisfied, I let go of the straps.  Now that the straps are tight between the C-clamps and the belt around my chest, I cannot lean over and reach the hanging straps. I will remain in bondage until my wife releases me.  We do not have a pre-arranged schedule of hours.  My wife will release me when she is ready, not when I ask.

This is my last chance to increase the tension on my nipples.  My goal is loosen the set screws all the way, so that the nipple clamps are at their tightest settings on my nipples. The last items to bind are my hands.  This is the hardest part because I cannot use two hands to close the padlock.

The chain and padlocks are still hanging from the rings on my wristcuffs.  I reach down to one padlock, and pick it up, also bringing up the short length of chain.  I remove one end of the chain from the padlock hasp, and feed it through the d-ring on the thigh strap.  After the chain is through the d-ring, I try to fit the hasp of the padlock back through a link of the chain.  However, I do not want to use the last link of chain.  I want the chain to be shorter so that I cannot move my hand very far away from my side.  Now I have to try and turn the padlock sideways so that the hasp is against my thigh, and I can push on the bottom of the padlock until I feel it lock in place.  I am not sure why this happens, but once I have finished locking the second padlock, the chain on one side of my body is always longer than the other side.

From the time that I woke up until the second padlock is fastened has probably taken an hour.  I cannot move to release myself from bondage.  I cannot see anything under two layers of blindfold and a bondage hood.  I keep my eyes closed for comfort.  I cannot hear anything through ear plugs and earmuffs.  I cannot talk around the gag.  This means that my wife and I do not have a safe word.  I am her slave.  Now I wait for her to arrive in the basement, and I hope she receives pleasure by punishing her slave.  And I mean that being punished by my wife means punishment. Sexual intercourse has never been part of a bondage session with my wife.

I am excited when I serve as my wife's slave.  I think about all the restrictions and sensations that I am currently feeling, and imagine what will happens when my wife arrives in the basement.  My penis does not constantly stay erect while I am waiting.  And of course, it is impossible to tell how much time has gone by.

There are still three items on the floor between my ankles. A tube of lubricating jelly, a butt plug that I picked out because it gets wider, and than narrower the further it is inserted in my rectum so that it will not fall out.  The last item is a multi-strand whip.

My wife does not have a routine time to begin my punishment.  Since I cannot see, and cannot hear, she might visit the basement to make sure that I am waiting in place. Then she might go to take her morning bath.

When she is ready to begin our session, she knows that I cannot hear her, so conversation is not required.  She does not want to hear me asking to be her slave.  Seeing me in bondage tells her that I am her slave, and am waiting for her to punish me for her pleasure.

This morning, she picks up the butt plug, rubs lubricating jelly on it, and forces it into my rectum.  I do not know she is there until I feel the butt plug at my rectum.  She does not use a back and forth motion to try and get my sphincter to relax.  She keeps continual pressure on the butt plug until it slides into place.  When I have inserted this plug, it is always easier if I am bending over.  My wife likes to force it into me when I am standing straight up.  I know that I am supposed to keep it inside of me.  Once she has pushed the butt plut into me, she never touches it again.  If I were allowed, I would ask her to move it in and out of my rectum, but how would she receive pleasure by giving me anal sex?

I feel her pick up the chain between the two nipple clamps, and pull on it.  Is she checking the nipple clamps to see if the set screws can be adjusted?  She drops the chain, and suddenly my nipples are being pulled down.  The pressure is intense on my nipples!  I found out later that she hung a spare padlock over the chain between the two nipple clamps.

Now, I am waiting again.  Is my wife still in the basement? I am her slave, and I will wait in bondage until she releases me.  We have never talked about limits.  I tie my self up, and when she is ready, she releases me.

I do not know how long has gone by since she checked my nipple clamps.

Suddenly, the whip hits me on the butt.  Several strokes.  I want to please her, and now I am glad that I am wearing a gag.  If I was not wearing a gag, would I use the safe word too quickly?

Now a fast pull on the chain between the nipple clamps, harder than before.

Keeping the tension on the nipple clamps, she twists one clamp, and then the other.  Yes, it hurts, but I am excited at the same time.  If my wife is pleased, and if she is telling me, I cannot hear her voice.

She is hitting me with the whip again.  She begins on the back of my legs, and slowly works her way up to the back of my shoulders.  She hits me harder, and faster when she uses the whip on my butt.

She tries to be careful about hitting me on the arms, but sometimes the end of the whip wraps around my body, and leaves marks on my arms.

My wife picks up the weight attached to the leather strap around my scrotum, and pulls it away from my body, pulling my balls with it.  When she drops the weight, my balls are pulled farther away from my body.  I wish that she would pull harder on the weight, but I am not in self-bondage to please myself.  My nipples are still being pinched by the clamps, but they are not being pulled down.  She has removed the padlock from the chain.

Next, she begins whipping me on the front of my body, on my chest.  At first, I think that the nipple clamps are protecting me, but then I am surprised.  As she pulls the whip away, one of the whip strands wraps around the chain between my nipple clamps.  The clamps are ripped off my nipples, and the feelings are strong as the blood rushes back in.  My wife apparently stops to remove the whip from the chain, and then she begins whipping me on the chest again.  And on my nipples.  It feels like they are on fire!

She has stopped whipping me.  What is next?  I feel her fingernail touching one of my flattened nipples.  She presses her fingernail into my nipple until it seems as if I can feel her fingernail touching my ribcage.  With her other hand, she pinches, and twists my other nipple.  I want to be my wife's slave, and serve her, but at the same time that I want her to stop, I am excited by all of the sensations I am receiving from her.

She begins whipping me again, but this time she is concentrating on my cock and balls.  When the whip hits me on the head of my cock, I feel like my erection is rock hard.  She also aims the whip so that I am whipped on the inside of my thighs.  I cannot bring my ankles closer together to try and protect the inside of my thighs.

When she stops this time, I cannot tell if she is still in the basement, or if she has left to return to the main floor.  I wait in silence for her return, and I think about the whipping I have received, and wonder what she will do next to her slave.  I hope that I have pleased her.

I am beginning to feel stiff from standing in one position for so long, but being blindfolded, I do not know how long it has been since I finished tieing myself up in the basement.

I do not know how much time has gone by when she begins whipping me again.  On my front, and back, and in between my legs.  When the whip lands on top of a place where she hit me before, it feels very sensitive.  I want her to continue and to stop at the same time!

I am feeling overwhelmed.  I cannot ask her to stop.  I have to focus on pleasing her.  I do not know how many times she whipped me.

Finally, my wife stops whipping me.  Does this mean that she will release me?  No, apparently not, as I wait again in silence.  I do not know how much time has gone by.

I am still excited, but my penis has not maintained an erection all the time.

Suddenly, I feel her teeth, biting me hard on one of my nipples!  My erection returns very quickly, and I am very excited.  My wife's hands reach down, and unsnaps the scrotum stretching strap around my balls.  Then, my wife gives me a very unexpected surprise.  Because of my erection, my penis is pointing out, and my wife quickly and very forcefully brings her knee up into my balls!

I literally want to jump up and down, to reach down, and hold my balls with my hands.  I am her slave, I cannot reach my balls, and I will endure this for her pleasure. . . .

I am so glad that I did not eat any food when I got up this morning.  I feel like I need to throw up, but there is nothing in my stomach. . . .

I feel the whip again, one more time on the head of my penis.  As she whips my penis, the pain in my balls begins to fade.  She whips my butt again, and this time, the whip wraps around my butt, and hits me behind my balls.  The pain in my balls flares up again.

Finally, the whipping stops.  I wait again.  This time, I feel her pull my wrist away from my body, and sense that the padlock around my wrist has been opened.  I feel that the tension from two of the tie down straps on the same side of my body has been loosened.

Then, nothing further.  She will only begin releasing me from bondage.  I have to complete everything else after she leaves the basement.

Before I go upstairs, I remove the butt plug, and wash it in the laundry tub.  Then I put away all of our bdsm toys. I move the hanging laundry back to where it had been.

I do not know what time it is.  We do not have a clock in the basement, and I did not take my wristwatch.  But, by looking out the basement windows, I can see that it is daytime.

When I go up to the main floor, I am surprised to see that it is after 9:00.  During the times between whippings when I was waiting in the basement, my wife took our children to school.

I take another shower, a longer soothing shower this time. As a part our agreed behavior for my self-bondage, my wife forbids me from masturbating after punishment.  I look at the many stripes on the front of my body, my chest, my thighs, my penis and balls.  Of course, I cannot see the back of my body.  When I dry myself off, there is not any blood spots on my towel, so I assume that my skin was not broken during my beating.  I fantasize about the scene in the Story of O movie where the maid, Nora, whipped O in the room in Sir Stephen's house.  This room was remodeled to appear as the punishment room at Anne Marie's house.  In the movie, the make up artist made it look like O's skin has been cut open between her breasts.

After bondage, my wife never asks if I had a good time.  She also does not tell me if she enjoyed whipping me.  If she did not enjoy whipping me, she would tell me to do something different for bondage.  And, as I mentioned earlier, sex is not part of bondage.  Bondage is only to hold me in place for punishment.

This morning, my wife surprised me.  After she told me that she is looking forward to next week, she asked me if I want to change any conditions of my slavery.

I tell her that I have fantasized about being either a slave to two different women at the same time, or just being a slave to another woman entirely.

At first, my wife was upset, she thought that I was saying that I was not satisfied with her.  She told me that the only reason she did not beat me again immediately was that our agreement was that no punishment should take place when she was angry with me.  I reassured her that I wanted to submit to her, and if she did not to share my slavery with any of her friends, then I trusted her judgment.

I said that if my wife told a trusted friend about my slavery, my wife could invite the friend to visit our house on bondage day of some week in the future.  She could arrive at our house after 5:00 a.m.  My wife will escort her to the basement where the friend sees me in self-bondage.  She observes how my wife whips me.  If my wife's friend decides that bdsm is not for her, then she will not return in the future.

If my wife and her friend decide that they will share me as a slave, I will not be able to stop them from making that decision.  In my fantasy, when I am tied up in self-bondage there is not the possibility of using a safe word.

(Back to real life for a moment. I did suggest once to my wife that she invite another woman to take over my punishment.  My wife declined to invite another woman to participate in a bondage session.  She told me that she could not imagine telling anybody she knew that I was a male submissive who wanted to be punished by a dominant female.  Maybe we should begin attending munches. . .)  Back to my story -

If my wife never told me that my circumstances have changed, I will continue to go to the basement each week and tie myself up to the ceiling rafters.  If my wife did not want to dominate me in the future, she might allow her friend to punish me alone.  If the friend followed my wife's rules for punishment, I might never know who is using the whip on me.

If my wife's friend was now my dominant female, I might not realize that a change had been made.  Even if my wife decided to tell me about the change, I would not be able to learn the identity of my new dominant female.  And, if my wife allowed her friend freedom in punishing me, I cannot prevent her friend from punishing me in any manner that pleases her.

I always complete my self-bondage before the dominant female arrives at our house, and she only unlocks one wrist, and loosens two of the motorcycle tie down straps when she has finished punishing me.  By the time I have released myself from bondage, and gone upstairs, she has left our house.

My wife said that I should be very careful about wishing for things because if it came true, I might not get the results I was hoping for.  She did not turn me down, and she did not say that she will tell a friend about my weekly punishment sessions.  My wife reminded me that my birthday this year will be on the same day of the week that she punishes me.  One family tradition has been for our children to visit their grandparents for an overnight visit on both the birthdays of my wife and I.  I begin to wonder how long I could last during a bondage session.

Who knows what our future will bring?  If my wife shares me with one of her friends, I hope that my wife will be pleased.

 

01.02.08