Stupid

It was a stupid idea to begin with. It was Thursday, I had nothing better to do, and my roommate had already moved out for the summer. I had needed some sort of break having taken two exams back to back. Since I didn’t want to do anything until I at least had tried to do some laundry, I decided to take out almost my entire collection of handcuffs. I left my thumb cuffs and a pair of cuffs with broken double locks.

My idea had to deal with locking myself to the pole that was used to hang up the dress shirts I owned. I was going to initially use my roommate’s vacated closet, but thought better of it when I noticed a pipe that ran from the floor to the ceiling in my closet with a box in the middle. The pole had a space between it and the wall, but it was barely an inch and a half. Just enough space to get a pair of cuffs between them.

I tested all of my cuffs, two hinged, two chains (one of which was black), and two black legcuffs to make sure they all worked right. After making sure everything worked right, I stripped right down to almost nothing. The only thing I had on were a pair of socks to help prevent marks from showing up on my ankles, and a pair of briefs. To prevent marks from showing up on my wrists, I used packing tape to tape wash cloths to my wrists. Lastly, I decided to use a condom to prevent the nasty cleanup after the fact.

Of course, I had to set up my escape mechanism. I had 3 keys floating around, one master key on one of the two hooks, and two normal keys, one on a string hanging from the second hook, and one tied to a thin rope just above the box. As an added setup, three cuffs were preattached to the poles. Both of the chain-linked handcuffs were soon attached to the overhead pole and one of the two hinged cuffs was locked to the pipe above the box, making sure that the locks to the hinged cuffs were pointing towards my hands. I then closed the curtain that obscured my closet from view and put on a pair of latex gloves I had brought from working in the dining hall.

To start off, I wrapped one of the two legcuffs around the pipe, leaving enough of the 18” chain to extend my ankle out several inches. It was still much closer to the pole than I had anticipated as I locked the cuffs around my left ankle. These were double locked with a fourth key just to make sure it would take me a little bit longer to undo the cuffs. The second pair locked around both ankles, but with the chain wrapped around the chain of the first to shorten the step between the two. These were also double locked once they were tight around my ankles. Was a little weird to have three cuffs on one ankle and only one on the other, but they served their purpose.

Next came the multitude of handcuffs. Again, I started with the left hand, locking the hinged cuff from the pipe first, double locking them before moving on to the chained cuffs. The left hand was first again with the black chained cuffs, which were so much slimmer than the others in thickness that the master key would not turn inside it. This was double locked around my wrist, then followed by the second pair of hinge cuffs, again, making sure that the keyholes were pointing towards my hands. I started with the left again, since it wasn’t going to be going anywhere any time soon.

Again three cuffs encircled my left wrist, each one double locked. I had decided to forgo a gag, mainly because I didn’t want any, and, just in case I got into trouble I could shout for help. There were still about a dozen or so people still on my side of the floor that hadn’t left for summer yet, so someone could have heard me scream for help if necessary. A quick double check of my escape mechanism and I was ready. First came the chained cuff, attached to the pole over my head, then the hinged, both of which I rammed on tight enough to be inescapeable, but not tight enough to cut off my circulation.

I tried all my bonds, each one holding fast. Unfortunately, with every movement, the cuffs seemed to clang against the pipes very loudly, making me stop for a while before I continued to struggle. My bonds were tight, enough to make sure I didn’t escape freely. My hands started to become numb due to them hanging on the cuffs and because I wasn’t really feeling anything really good from my inescapeability, even though my penis was erect, I went to the key and began to slowly remove my cuffs, hoping to incite some sort of stimulation. When the last cuffs were removed from my ankle, I was not relieved.

Fortunately, I had another idea, which involved the thinner black chained cuffs. Since one of the two ankle cuffs was already wrapped around the pipe on the side, I thought I could try and cuff my hands behind my back to the pipe. So, after taking another trip down to get my laundary, I prepared myself again.

For the second time, I locked my ankle cuffs that were already wrapped around the pipe to my ankles. Then, I cuffed my right hand in the right cuff of the thin black chain cuffs. Without looking, I fished the other cuff behind the pipe and locked the cuff to my left wrist loosely. However, I had already made my worst mistake by fishing the cuff behind the pipe. The distance between the pipe and the wall behind it was so close that I couldn’t get even a cuffed hand behind it, and I had inadvertently put the cuff on my left wrist with the keyhole facing my elbow.

I stood there, bound, trying to grasp the situation I was in. I enjoyed it a little, but, again, the constant clanging against the pipe caused me to pause, and any break in the procession caused me to lose my focus. I stood there for a few minutes, then decided to get back out because I wasn’t having any reaction what-so-ever. I tried to start with the wrist cuffs, but found them a little tough to get to, so I released my ankles first.

Once I got to a sitting position, my ankles free, I began to work on my wrists. Trying to fit the key into the keyhole was tough, and, it was at this point that I realized that I probably put the keyhole on the other side on my left hand. My right hand was still okay, but I was having trouble making my left hand get to the keyhole without trying to get through the pipe as well. At that point, I knew I was stuck, but I continued to struggle…

…Right until I heard the tell-tale clicking of the ratchet closing the cuff tighter around my left wrist. I had not double-locked that cuff because I couldn’t reach. At this point, I was regretting what I had done. It was stupid because I didn’t double check everything beforehand, and I was now paying the consequences. And, it didn’t help that my roommate had already left for the summer.

So there I was, sitting in my closet, wearing nothing but socks and a pair of underwear, wash cloths taped to my wrists, and I’m locked to an immobile pipe that I can barely get my fingers between it and the wall beside it. I was starting to count my stars because I decided against using the other ankle cuffs for holding my head up by the neck. But, I was also regretting even thinking about doing what I had just done. So, I did the only thing I could do in that situation.

I started to yell for help, while banging an SOS with my feet on the wooden floor of the closet. I could have sworn I was there for at least a few hours. Soon, someone down the hall got my message and I managed to get them to call one of the RA’s on duty to grab the key to my room (as I had locked the door), and open the door to set me free. As it turned out, the RA that had come was rather calm about the whole thing, and managed to set me free after fumbling with the keys and the wash cloths taped to my wrists, even though I was embarrassed the whole time, sitting in nothing but my underwear and my socks.

As soon as the RA left, I looked at the clock and noticed that an hour did go by, and my experience felt like it lasted longer than it did. My wrists, although being cushioned by wash cloths, did manage to bruise a little bit from all the struggling, and I had a slightly sore throat after yelling for what seemed like half an hour or so. I look back on that and think a lot of things, the two biggest of which were “That was stupid!” and “I wonder what would have happened if one of the guys down the hall didn’t hear my calls for help.”

I haven’t done anything that big since out of fear that something like that would happen again. However, I do learn from my mistakes. If I ever try to do something similar to what I did on that night, I will remember to have a secondary backup, and make sure that my hands can actually fit into the gap between the wall and whatever I am planning on cuffing myself to. So, if you are ever in the mood to follow what I did, be sure you have a sympathetic friend help you out if you ever get stuck. It could save you the embarrassment of what I had to go through.

08.11.11