The Self-Hypnosis Files

The Self-Hypnosis Files: The First Time

This is a story of an experiment I did, not too many years ago when I was single and living alone in my own house. Before I start I should tell you that I'm a cross dresser, a man who likes to wear women's clothes (it's more common than you might realize). And, more often than not, I like being tied up while I'm wearing those clothes. So you can probably understand that when I was living alone in my own house I spent a lot of time dressed and bound. You can also understand, I'm sure, that I spent a good amount of time thinking of ways to make it more interesting, more... arousing.

We've all been there. We've all tightened the ropes just a little too much, or put the key in too much ice, or something like that that put us in danger. Luckily nothing like that happened this time, but those tales will be told later. This one is rather tame and boring to read about, though it was a lot of fun to live through.

What happened was this...

I was finally opening the last of my moving boxes, the ones containing stuff I'd moved for years without ever unpacking. I had space now, and places to put things. A lot of it was junk, things that I had forgotten about, but then I came across a cassette tape, a self hypnosis tape that I had used to help me quit smoking. It was about 30 minutes long and the first 24 minutes were the "putting you into a trance" part, then five minutes of silence during which you gave yourself the hypnotic suggestions you should have prepared, then a minute to slowly bring you out of the trance. It actually helped me with the smoking issue, so I knew it worked. Seeing it again was giving me ideas.

This had to be done right, I knew. Years before I had been friends with a stage hypnotist so I knew what could happen if I wasn't careful. See, hypnosis works by... well, no one really knows how it works. But when a person is hypnotized they become more open to suggestion, and as long as it's nothing against their basic moral values they go along. That means that no, you can't by hypnotized to murder someone unless it's something you would normally do. You're not asleep when you're hypnotized. You're totally aware of what's happening. You just think it's okay to go along with what you're told.

The danger lies in if the hypnotist doesn't know what they're doing and doesn't completely remove their suggestions and put you back, as it were. That's why you have to be very careful when you're doing self hypnosis. You have to be very sure of what suggestions you're giving yourself. Some are easy, like quitting smoking. All you have to do is tell yourself that you really don't want that next cigarette. But for what I had planned? That was going to be tricky.

You see, no matter how many times I had been dressed and bound, no matter what role play scenario I came up with, no matter how good the session was (you know what I'm talking about), it was never quite what I really sought all those years. I'm not complaining, of course. I still loved it. But the one thing I wanted most, the one thing I could never achieve, was to BE the damsel in distress, to do something more than just pretend. Now I could.

I set aside a day and got everything ready. My clothes and bonds were laid out, waiting. A pair of scissors was on the floor in the kitchen downstairs. This was going to be a simple test. My suggestions were clear in my head as I lay down and put my headphones on before starting the tape. When it was over I got dressed. Like I said, a simple test, so I kept my outfit simple as well. A pair of black pantyhose paired with a black long-sleeved nylon/cotton leotard over a stuffed bra (I usually used rolled up socks when it didn't really matter how I looked). Around my waist I tied a knee length dancer's wrap skirt of scarlet nylon. I finished the outfit off with a pair of black leather dance shoes, usually called character shoes, with three inch heels. These were the most comfortable woman's shoes I owned, by the way, in case you ever want to get a pair.

Once I was dressed I bound myself, beginning with my ankles and just below my knees. Okay, I used rope, made sure to cinch it, and tied the knots where I wouldn't be able to reach them when I was bound. Is that enough detail or do you need more? I gagged myself next, using a couple of long cloth strips I had torn off an old bed sheet, tied together over and over to make a large, mouth filling knot. They were still long enough to wrap each end twice around my head, making a particularly efficient gag. Tying my arms was trickier but I had developed a method years before that still worked for me.

Basically, take a long rope and wrap it loosely around your chest six times. Seven or eight is better, in my opinion, but four should be the absolute minimum. Now tie the ends of the rope together. Pull the loops even, then slip your arms into them. If it's too tight, loosen the knot. Or if it's too loose, pull them in farther and tie the knot again. In other words, make the loops tighter or looser until you're happy. Now you have an arm rope. You can put some of the loops over your breasts or keep all of them under. (If you have breasts, that is. This should work for anyone, though.) And if you ever need to just shake out the rope, double it up, then make the loops even. Take one strand, double it up and make the loops even again. Keep doing that until you have it back to the way you want it.

Okay. long digression, sorry. But that's what I had come up with and that's what I slipped over my head and down to my waist before putting my arms in and pulling it up. Mine was a six loop rope so I pulled three up over my breasts and left three below them. With just a little adjusting my arms were pinned to my sides. Oh, before I forget, there was another rope attached to this arm rope in the back. I was going to do a hogtie, see, but I didn't like having my feet attached to my wrists. I could never do it in a way that didn't hurt my wrists, so I used a relatively short rope with one end tied to the arm ropes and the other end being a noose I would manage to slip my bound feet into. It had a knot in the rope that allowed the noose to tighten quite a bit, but not enough to hurt my ankles. It was actually quite effective. I got down off my bed and onto the floor now in order to slip that noose around my ankles. Once it was in place and pulled tight there was one final step. Obviously. I leaned up against my bed, put my hands behind my back, and tied my wrists together.

Okay, another digression. The wrist rope was kind of like the arm rope. I had taken another long rope, the length of my outstretched arms from fingertip to fingertip, and tied the ends together. The way I would tie my wrists together was to place both of them into the loop and hold them apart, pulling the loop taut. I'd take one hand after the other, twisting them and putting them back through the loop so it was wrapped around them. When I couldn't do that any more I'd twist my hands, putting one inside the other, so to speak, This would cause the middle of the rope to twist. I'd do that until I couldn't any more as well, and if I had made the loop the right size my hands would be tightly pinned together. The only problem with this was that I could get out of it just as easily, but I had ways of dealing with that. That, too, is for another story, however.

As I was saying, I leaned against my bed and tied my wrists together behind my back. When they were done a transformation took place in my mind. The suggestion had worked! I wasn't me, playing dress up. I was a woman, captured, brought here (where ever "here" was), and helplessly bound. I didn't just think it, I *felt* it. It was real to me. Everything I had told myself in my suggestion was happening. I was scared, but not terrified. I couldn't free myself no matter how hard I tried. But somehow I knew there were scissors downstairs and that I would have to get down there to them if I wanted to free myself.

Seriously, it was amazing. My breasts felt real and my dick felt like, well, it felt like a dick but I believed I was feeling a dildo shoved up into my vagina. Hey, I had to explain it somehow. It worked, too. I rolled around on the floor a bit, trying to loosen my ropes, but it was useless. Eventually I gave up and started inching my way to the stairs. Now I know I keep saying it was amazing, and incredible, and other adjectives to describe how wonderful I felt, but it really was. I had never, ever felt anything like this before. For the first time I was honestly struggling to get free. I had been bound and I knew that if I didn't escape I'd die that way. This was more real to me than ever before.

I finally was the damsel in distress I always wanted to be but I didn't know it wasn't real. So I worked my way out of the room and over to the stairs. I came once before I got there. I couldn't help it. My body was reacting the way it always had, but with the added psychology, if you will, of the hypnosis. It felt weird because I had suggested that when I came I would feel it as someone coming inside me, because of the "dildo". Yeah, it's a little confusing, but it made sense at the time and it worked. I had an incredible orgasm.

When I could breathe again I worked my way down the stairs, feet first. I started feeling despair, then. It was one of the suggestions, that I would feel certain emotions at specific parts of the journey. Of course I didn't know that consciously, so as I was making my way painfully down the stairs I began to cry, just a little. I felt helpless, and trapped by the ropes. I felt I would never escape but I had to keep trying anyway. The feeling lessened as I got closer to the bottom of the stairs, fading away entirely when I reached the first floor. And as I slowly began to hump my way across the floor toward the kitchen I began to actually enjoy my situation. Yes, this was more of the suggestion. I began to enjoy the struggle. Sure, I still knew I had to escape, but I began to pull on my ropes because I wanted to feel how they held me rather than see if there were any weak points. I wanted my hogtie to be gone because I wanted to kick my legs, to stand up and hop around. The ropes around my arms were tight, yet comforting. And I still couldn't free my wrists but I felt as if they were supposed to be tied together.

Of course, one of the results of this process was that I had another orgasm. I didn't ejaculate but I did get hard and feel all the other things I always felt when I came. That triggered the final phase, determination. I was so close now. There was no despair, and there was no pleasure. There was only a drive to get to those damn scissors and free myself. I humped my way into the kitchen and rolled over onto my side when I finally reached them. It wasn't easy, obviously, but eventually my fingers found them and pulled them up, ready to cut the ropes around my wrists.

I didn't have to. Holding the scissors, being ready to cut the ropes was my cue to wake up, to remember who I was and what I was doing, and to remember everything about my journey down from my bedroom. I lay there overwhelmed with the intensity of it all, with the memory of what it was like to really believe I was a woman, kidnapped and left bound. 20 minutes must have passed as I lay on the kitchen floor, overwhelmed. That was the most intense self bondage experience I'd ever had.

Finally, though, it was time so I untied my wrists, freed my arms, removed my gag and freed my legs. When I finally felt I could safely stand I got up and walked back upstairs to my bedroom only to fall down on my bed, still fully dressed and with cum in my hose, and fall into a deep sleep for hours. It was dark when I finally woke up, got undressed and cleaned up, and began planning my next session.

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28.12.13