The Release

It’s that time again where I need to hold myself in bondage. I do this ritual as I methodically close the door and lock it making sure no one can get in. I open the bag that I have hidden safely underneath my dresser and tucked under drawers. I have made it so undetectable.

The dark mesh bag has a few rings to hang it on underneath, making so it won’t dangle and is hidden from the obvious looker who may bend down and want to see if they dropped something. It stretches the length of the dresser and is held in place by hooks that are secured into the woodwork. You can’t detect it unless you put your hand all the way up beyond the bottom molding, a perfect non suspecting place.

I pull out my array of devices I have used over the years, discarding some and replacing others. Belts, zip ties, garter belts, old bra straps, straps and cords, used outstretch rubber bands, hair bands and scrunches, various loose swatches of fabric, old ropes, bungee cords and various other implements. I also have several pairs of scissors, a knife, box cutter and exact-o blades. These are for escape purposes. No locks or intricate devices. I used what is handy and easily accessible to use as I see a need.

Some days I like to use belts, sturdy and tough, others I prefer bands to give me some stretch room, and while others I prefer some fabrics to either irritate or entice my sensations. It’s not about the escape but the enjoyment of the hold out.

There is no choice for me anymore. It’s what keeps my psyche in check and enables me to live without detection. I have bound myself for years and enjoy the contracted feeling against my body. Movement is restricted or limited or one arm or leg turn creates another feeling to that bounded area. All the mental game of what I can do myself and how far I can take that limit. I like the struggle and the tight hold that is in place.

One of my favorite games since I was young girl is to take my legs and tie them at the knees. I can’t use my legs to stand up with pushing myself upwards with the use of my hands. I need to roll or curl to get to a standing position. I like this game because I can tie multiple areas each time and see how far I have to struggle to reach the point of not being able to get to a standing position. There are times when I also tie myself so tightly I have to calm down to release myself. But that comes after the initial panic wears off.

I also set up a system whereas I can be self bound to a fixed object. I used to tie myself to my bed at night and loved the security of not being allowed to leave it until I untied myself. I have been practicing this since childhood. The practice stopped once I was found and reprimanded for playing such a stupid game. My mother made me sleep with the door open from that point onward for a long time.

I resumed the bondage but just at other times when she was not around or outside during playtime. I created intricate webs of string or yarn or jump ropes around my body. It felt exhilarating and contained at the same time. Being held by something that is not forgiving and forceful and only allowing myself to be self-released was a huge rush on for me.

I practiced various techniques over the years, alone and always without the knowledge of anyone, including my spouse(s), boyfriends and roommates over the years. My children will never know or even suspect. I am careful to not be found by anyone. It’s my secret pleasure that pushes me into my favorite zone. Head spinning, heart racing and pulse thumping, my erotic juices begin to flow. Each time it charges my body towards another extreme.

I have wished for having somebody finding me, helpless and without the ability to free myself. What would they do? Would they take advantage of me sexually? Would they unbind me and walk away? Would they think of it as a perverse and strange thing and just stare in disbelief.

I got my wish today. It wasn’t my usual routine. I had only a few hours for self- bondage and wanted to make the most of it. I also had the desire to use my favorite toy as well. I proceeded to insert the toy and bind my arms and legs together. They are able to move and then cross them with bungee cords. That’s doesn’t allow me to move without the assistance of being able to crawl and bend overtly outwards to release myself.

I begin to move my hips and ride the inserted toy bring myself to orgasm. It isn’t easy and my limited movements create a more difficult scenario in which to orgasm. I begin to push against the bed and retract my legs muscles to rock my hips in place keeping the toy inside without it moving or falling.

I am working myself up to the point of orgasm when I hear the noise. A loud pop sound and then a sizzle sound behind the echo. It’s a firecracker of some sort; I demise and continue at my own pace. I reach the point of total orgasm and lay there bound, tired and weary. It has taken me almost an hour and 10 minutes to achieve it. Well worth the struggle and wait. I just lay there and enjoy the feelings and flow of the afterglow. I have fallen asleep many times and woke up to find I had to unbind myself with numb hands and arms. I try to take care as to not have this happen. I make sure my escape is easy and quick, one finger or a short reach to my tools if necessary. Think of old car seat belts restraints they are very useful for this kind of enjoyment.

As I am laying there basking in moment of relaxation and bliss. I open my eyes to find my neighbor is on his roof staring directly into my window. He is looking at me and scratching his head. He puts his baseball cap back on and bends down and peers closer into the window. I am terrified. He has caught me. I panic and roll off the bed on to the floor. I am hiding.

I can hear him getting down. I try to move to a standing position and realize I am too far from the release button to actually move. I would have to snake my way around the bed towards the other side.

All the while, inching slowly without pulling the cord, to further to lock my arms and legs. I can’t undo the bungee without my arms having enough slack. I need the slack of the cord. My emergency stuff is still on the dresser too far and high to reach.

I am really starting to shake and want to move. I have been in such a position before and know that in order to remain calm, is the key to not hurting yourself. I take a bunch of deep breaths and relax my muscles. I am calm enough to start the slow inching wiggle towards the other side of the bed.

My toy is still planted firmly in place. It’s starting to give me erotic feelings down there that I am trying to ignore. I am moving one tiny slither then another being slow and steady I don’t want the force to bind me too tightly. It’s working and I am almost around the first bend, I can hear something outside and then see a shadow on the floor. I cannot turn around. I can’t see behind me towards the window. I hear it open and then a loud thud. I am startled and freeze in position. I am locked and bound, no way to look around and see what is happening. The tauntness of the cord is starting to pull at my body and I know I need to just stay calm. Then I hear the words...

“It’s okay. I’m here” with a calm soothing voice. He walks over to me and I can see his feet by my face. I try to look up but it just pulls the cord tighter. I am now in total horror. He bends down and takes my face and looks into my eyes. “Are you okay?“ He says. “Uh ... Yes” I can’t form any other words. My mouth is dry and my heart is beating a million miles a minute. I am starting to drip sweat down my arms and the sides of my torso.

He reaches over and begins to pull the cords. They are even tighter now and it’s pressing on my chest wall, making it hard to breathe. I seek out the words...” Don’t” and he drops them.

“Damn, woman you got it all tangled up here. Can you move towards me a little more?” I shake my head yes and begin the inch worm towards the end of the bend. I can feel the slack starting to give way a little bit.

He is watching me and I can tell he is studying me and the ties with fascination or absolute disgust. I can’t tell his facial expression I am too busy getting to the last round of the beds corner. One more post and I can have my slack back and free myself.

He then, bends his knees and looks directly at me. “Your face is red and you’re pretty upset aren’t you?” The tone in his voice indicates he is mocking me and being sarcastic. A flash of rage has hit me inside and I want to be free of this once and for all. I move towards the end of the post and wiggle my arms more and free the slack off the end. Ah! I think to myself, more room to move and start the entanglement towards freedom. I have enough room so now I can look at him directly and still move my fingers and body towards the release button. I lurch myself on to the bed and inch towards it.

His hands are now placed on my back pushing me down and forcing the button underneath my chest and locking my hands. I can’t press it hard enough to gain the release. He puts his hands between my legs and pulls out the toy. The annoying pressure is gone, one less thing to have to concentrate on not having as a distraction. “This is a plastic toy. You need the real thing.“ He slides down his pants and reaches inside his underwear. He pulls out the biggest cock I have ever seen and its rock hard and standing at attention.

He then presses his body against my ass and pushes it inside. It’s all the way inside and without the decency of lube. It does feel good. Just firmly in place with no pushing, just like my toy, but better. ”Now you want to use it like you did that thing?” he is right against my head and his full body weight it against me.

I can barely talk and just shake my head. He eases off me and is firmly planted inside me with his legs against my own. I move my hips and begin to rock them, I can feel his cock moving inside against the walls and pushing against my inner clit. Its feels so good and I am starting to get very excited and want to push harder and faster. I am reminded of my bondage and can't.

Its feels like torture. I am starting to breathe harder and I can feel the sweat building against his legs and mine. Maneuvering to get a more direct pressure is impossible. It’s like almost hitting the sweetest spot just missing it by a few little millimeters. It’s frustrating and infuriating. I want to feel the orgasm start to build and I can’t. It’s a horrible denial and tease I am having at the moment.

I start to work my arms around and be able to press the button releasing them and giving me more control to push and bend. He sees this and takes my hand and holds it on the button. “If you want to feel a real release, with an intentional pause, I will press it for you.”

I begin to push harder and faster on his shaft and my legs are beginning to cramp. I know it’s a game of will I cum or will my legs cramp up first. I have to push myself and find out. I concentrate very hard and work against it and feel the wave of the orgasm beginning to hit the inside of the walls. The contractions started and then the burst of feeling against my clit. It’s sending waves of shivers and body tremors throughout my groin. I am instantly wet and I am panting.

As promised he pushed the button and the cords become free and limp against my body. I could move with more room and untangle it when I am ready. I just lay there feeling the orgasmic waves on every muscle of my body. My legs began to twitch and my muscles felt tight. I know they would cramp if I tried to pull them straight, all the while I am contracting inside. I just waited and feel the flow of blood rushing and my heartbeat in my ears.

It was a hard felt release physically and mentally.

He is still inside me and has begun to hold me in his arms. They are large muscular arms that seem to cradle me inside them. He has also placed his legs against mine and is almost holding them in position from shaking or trembling, preventing the muscle spasms that are sure to happen once I decided to move.

I can’t really speak but try to form a coherent sentence. My mind and body are gone, being lost in the moment and without the ability to regain any control, at least at the near future.

“I am okay. I just need to…” the sentence trailed off. He nuzzles next to my ear, kisses it lightly and says “Take your time, I’m not going anywhere. You need to catch yourself. It’s okay. “

He is being sweet and tender in his words. I feel the tears of frustration and humiliation beginning to form. I can’t control it.

He unwraps my arms and legs and pulls the cords away from my body. I can see him gently placing them on the floor and then curls me up and lays next me. He holds me for a few moments and strokes my face and hair. He realizes I needed a moment to regain my composure and feel comforted. It is a surreal and soothing feeling. I am not interested in getting up just yet. It is very consoling.

I have always enjoyed the soothing effect that I get after a session with myself. It seems to intensify the calmness in my body and mind for some reason. I have tried for years to figure out the biology or psychology and rationalize it. I have yet to find the real answer.

I turn over and he is looking at me with a gaze of endearment in his eyes. What does he see, I wonder to myself. I am afraid to even speak a word and ask an explanation. It’s just not the right time or worse the best time. I just lay there and look back into his eyes. Not a word is spoken between us.

I can tell he is also studying my face and hair. I believe he is intrigued by me. I let him take this view of me. I want to see what he will do or say next. I just lay there and wait for the words to come out.

A few minutes of silence but his eyes are saying words that I cannot hear. I have to move my legs and get up so badly. It’s the familiar ache of the cramps that will drive me up very soon. I can’t wish it away, only the stretching and standing will elevate it.

“I have seen you before, in the window, last year and then again in April. I thought it was a joke or something but the punch line never came. Then I saw you do it again. I have been trying to figure it out. I have watched you before inside the living room too. I saw you today when I went on the roof and thought I needed to find out. I got the ladder and climbed up. I didn’t know if your family was home or not. I just wanted to watch. Then I saw you were tangled up and figured….” His reaction was of shame and looked down.

I was in shock, not angry at not only his words of being found but of having other times that I thought were private and alone, almost violation.

He was genuinely upset and visibly showing it. I am at a total loss of words for what to say or do next. I give myself a few minutes of thought. I look over at him and finally say , ”Thank you. I think I would have been okay. I do this more than I should. “

I said it without any emotion because I was void of any. I was still in a state of distress and my emotions were shot. I was just open and awake. Nothing could make me feel anything at the moment. He began to move and I gave him a hug. I didn’t mean for it to happen or even plan on it. I just did it out of natural reaction. He responded with a solid and loving embrace back. It was more of a response, a need that was fulfilled at that exact moment.

I removed myself from the embrace and stood up. I was light headed and my legs were very tight and needed to be stretched out terribly. I began to bend over and extend my arms and legs. I could feel the muscles beginning to loosen. He stood up and began pulling up his pants. He was still erect and it was very obvious once they were zipped up.

I felt a wave of guilty pleasure. I was letting this man go home with a hard on. I should have rewarded him for not taking full advantage of me. He could have and I wouldn’t have had any way to stop it from happening. I wanted to thank him for that.

Instead I blurted out, “I hope this isn’t something you tell anyone. Please it’s not something I want made public to anyone. Especially my family or husband, please, please” I begged. I wasn’t going to let him leave without him promising me he wouldn’t or worse that he would and let me have to face the embarrassment.

I needed to know what his intensions were. He walked over to me and placed his hands on my shoulders and looked directly in my eyes, “Women have many secrets for a reason. They aren’t for anyone to know why or what they are unless they want them known. Some things are not for public knowledge and it’s not my place to say anything about it. It’s private. What happened today isn’t for anyone to know about. I can hold a secret if you can.”

My shock turned to happiness. I couldn’t have been more surprised and relieved at what he said next.

“I always have a back-up system in place. Will you be my safe person for my release when I do?” He was being serious and opened up to me right there and then.

I thought it was something only a few people did, and knew about others who were like me but never met anyone. I was alone in the fact that I was the only one I knew who did this. Now I knew he did too.

My moment of clarity came when I realized he was not only my savior that day, but in my life as well. His release was my best session ever. He did become my safety person and I his.

His taking me was the first of many times over the years and I have done so for him in turn, each time with pleasure and a shared understanding. No words ever need spoken.

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07.03.13