My Love of Gags

I've always loved gags. I don't know what it is that has made them special for me but even when I was a little girl before my puberty, I found something very fascinating about them when I saw someone gagged in a comic book or in TV. Naturally it didn't take me very long to find out about the non-existent effect that a classic over-the-mouth gag has when I started experimenting with gagging myself in my teen years. Even though every reasonable person can kind of figure it out by thinking about it, I was still very disappointed and I felt betrayed by the damsels in distress on TV that pretended they couldn't make a sound although I knew the actress could very well recite Shakespeare if she'd want to.

So you can imagine how thrilled I was when I finally built the courage and search the internet for bondage images and I first saw what the models had in their mouth. Of course there were a lot of cleave gags and even occasional OTM gags to be seen that I knew were worthless, but more importantly I found something that I hadn't even imagined. It was the ball gag.

From the first moment I set my eyes on a picture where the model had a shiny red ball gag in her mouth, I knew that now they were on to something. And so my love for the ball gag had begun. Even though I'm not a lesbian, I masturbated countless times to these pictures with girls wrapped up tight and gagged with gorgeous these gorgeous gags. Almost everything else in the pictures were of no consequence because what mattered was the gag. Only thing that mattered in addition to the gag was that the models were tied so that they couldn't take the gag out by themselves. What's the point of having a gag if you can just take it out, after all.

Even though I had experimented with selfbondage for a long time by this time, the idea of having one in my mouth didn't even cross my mind, for some reason. These were things of beauty that were way beyond me, I thought. I was an adult of legal age, had been for a long time, but building the courage to go into a store that would sell these things were way beyond me and since I've never had a credit card, I couldn't just order them.

But to be quite honest, once I made the decision that I really want to build that courage and spend the money to get myself one of these things, I had to find a store that would actually sell these.

I've lived on the countryside for the most of my life, so it wasn't like I was in a big city where I could just find my way into a certain part of the city and walk into one or several of the sex shops around. And besides, having never been into pornography (with the notable exception of those pictures about ball gags), the step to actually go into one of them was even higher than what I believe it is to the average person.

So what I had to do, was research. What I had known from the start was that I had to take the trainride to the nearest larger city where I knew they had these kinds of business establishments, but what I also wanted to know was exactly where I would have to go. Because I wasn't too comfortable about the idea of entering a sex shop, I certainly wanted to get it right the first time and not have to wonder around. This was surprisingly tricky since the shops didn't make much of a fuss about them, even on the internet. But eventually I knew where to go, when to go there, and how much money I'd need to get what I wanted.

The train ride was unusual to say the least. My mind was racing all trough the hour that it took me to get there and that made the journey feel longer than ever. It didn't help that the train was so crowded that I had to stand most of the trip. The excitement literally made my knees shake and I was afraid that someone would notice. I was also very turned on by all the thoughts of what it might be like if I really were able to finally get my own ball gag. I wasn't at all comfortable about the idea of being so aroused in the middle of so many people, but fortunately the busy people crowding the train couldn't have cared less.

When I finally got off the train and walked to where I thought I knew the store was, my mind was still racing. I still hadn't made a decision if I really wanted to go ahead with it and even if I did make my mind, I had no way of knowing if I really was able to.

It was fairly easy to find the store even though I had never visited that part of the city before. The store was so ordinary looking that it made me wonder how it could be possible that that kind of a regular store could be filled with items that were so desirable and so loathsome at the same time.

When I first passed the door, I still hadn't made my mind about entering the store and I just walked pass. I didn't as much as took a glance to it. So I circled a couple of blocks to consider some more. It was ridiculous really. And I knew it at the time as well. Here I was, an adult woman, scared of entering a store that so many people have entered before. Maybe it was that deep down I felt that young women like me don't go into stores like this, only creepy and perverted middle age men did. But I knew it was ridiculous to think that way. I had met a lot of bondage lovers like me on the internet who were female as well and I knew that they had to get their gear from somewhere as well So the second time I came to pass the store, I just didn't think about it. I entered.

I was surprised how small the store was. The shopkeeper was behind the counter and I hated him from the start. There was a total stranger who'd know things about my sexual desires that nobody else knows and would ever know. Of course I knew that he couldn't care less. In fact, he didn't even glance at me even though I was the only customer in the store. He was much too interested about the newspaper he was reading.

I chose to ignore the fact that he was there and instead turned to look at the items in the store. As I said, it was a very small store and it was mostly filled with porn videos and dvd's. But in the middle of the store, there was a very small rack which apparently was the "bdsm" section of the store. It wasn't much, it had a couple of cuffs and a leather blindfold. But beside them was what I came to get.

Two rubber dark red ball gags with leather straps were hanging beside the other item. The other one was a bit smaller than the other. I could feel my stomach turn over inside me just from the mere sight of them. There was what I had been admiring from afar for such a long time. Immediately all doubts were lifted from my mind and I knew I had to get one of them. Even the price was a little lower than what they had listed in the website.

But something held me back and I couldn't just take the gag and run to the counter. I wanted to get out from the store as soon as I could, and even more I wanted to get to my house with one of these gags, but I still had to idly look at the racks of videos and dvd's. I wasn't interested in any of them, not even the bondage videos, but I felt that it was somehow more normal to look at those instead of ball gags.

But finally I just wanted to get out of there, so I grabbed one of the gags and went to the counter. I chose the smaller gag because I had read that beginners should start with smaller gags just to get used to the idea of having something in your mouth that you can't take out. I had decided that I wouldn't say a word to the shopkeeper and that's what I stuck with even though the shopkeeper muttered something about my choice of items and trying to remember what the price was.

When I finally got the gag wrapped in a small brown paper bag, I stuffed to the bottom of my bag and nearly ran out of the store.

After getting comfortable distance from the store, I nearly started skipping. I was so happy that finally one of my dreams would come true. These days it's hard to find something that would really bring a new level to my selfbondage so it's very nice to remind myself of the huge rush I got from just owning a proper bondage gag even if I were still several hours away of actually using it.

You can probably imagine that if the trainride to the city was slow, the trip back was about three times longer. I was so excited and aroused that I was careful to move. I had to constantly make sure that the gag was still with me by feeling it trough the bag and every time I felt the unmistakable pattern of the gag, a bolt of electricity went trough my body. Fortunately it was a bit later in the day so there were plenty of places to sit in. I don't think I could've managed a way back standing up all the way.

When the train arrived, I walked as fast as I could to my house. I closed all the doors and pulled the drapes before even taking my coat off. I had told everyone I knew that I would be busy that day and I even closed my cellphone altogether. This day would be only for me and my new precious gag.

The very first thing I did was that I cleaned it very well. I didn't know what had happened to the gag before I bought it, I didn't know who had handled it and how, but I sure didn't want to take the chance of putting a rubber ball into my mouth that might have something there that I wouldn't want.

After I was satisfied that it would have to be at least clean enough, I was ready to begin. I can't begin to describe the level of excitement I felt at the moment. In just a few moments, I would join the ranks of all those models I had seen wearing one of these gags. I had never felt such excitement, arousal and anticipation that I felt at the moment.

I took all of my clothes off in a frenzy that I don't think I had felt the need to do it before. And finally I was ready. I laid down to my bed, with my gag in my hand and I began. I had considered to adding some bondage even to my first session with the gag, but I decided that I definitely wanted to experience the gag in itself first. In addition, I didn't really know what it would be like to have an actual ball gag in my mouth, so I didn't want to take any chances that I might not be able to get it out of my mouth if the need were to arise.

I slowly brought the gag right to my mouth and kissed it. This was something that I had also picked up from the pictures from the internet. Pictures where someone was kissing the gag of the helpless model had been one of the only kind of pictures that brought even more fire from inside me than the regular scenes with tied damsels with ball gags and helpless eyes.

Finally I opened my mouth and the ball slipped right to where it was meant to be, behind my teeth. This was nearly enough to tip me over the edge in itself. I quickly strapped the ball into place, as tight as I could because by this time, the hours of building into this moment left my pussy screaming for a release.

It didn't need much. The orgasm I got with the gag in was something I had never experienced, and probably never will. I wanted to scream, so I bit hard into the gag. The mere fact that now I could do just that, bite into a real gag brought me to another wave instantly and this lasted for several waves.

Finally I was too exhausted to go on anymore and I was left panting at my bed, lying on my bed, and my gag still firmly on place. When my breathing started to settle and the arousal on my body subsided a little, I had time to really feel the gag in my mouth. It was surprisingly comfortable and I had no trouble breathing around it. It was a relief, but I was also worried that maybe it wouldn't be very restrictive to my articulation.

So I tried to speak. Of course a lot of sounds came around the gag, but there was no way anyone could be able to understand what I was saying. I was very thrilled about this because I had once read an article where someone said that even ball gags were a hoax and you could just as well speak regardless of the gag. But it wasn't. My lips weren't sealed, but my ability to form understandable speech was completely taken away.

That day was magical to me. I masturbated several times with the gag in my mouth, every time adding something new to the game. I started with tying my ankles and every time I came, I tied myself more although I still kept my hands free. Eventually I opened my computer and started looking at the pictures I had used so many times before, now with a new found insight.

Finally after so many orgasms that I didn't bother to count them anymore, I took the gag from my mouth and dragged myself to take a long warm bath. I was very tired although only a couple of hours had passed since I had gotten home.

I can't remember much about the rest of the day except that I spent most of it thinking about my gag and what fun times I would have with it.

When the night finally came, I felt that if I didn't sleep well that night, I'd never sleep well at all. But when I saw the gag at my nightstand, I decided that I'd tie myself for the night. I had done it several times before. Usually something very simple, ankles tied together and wrists tied tight in front of me. But I wanted to add my gag and sleep the entire night with it in my mouth. It had been so comfortable that I couldn't think of any reason not to do it.

When I woke up the next morning, the reasons became very clear to me. I had slept like a baby. Lightly but deep, and so I hadn't woken up even though my pillow was soaked with drool. It was everywhere in my face and my hair was almost completely wet. I didn't think much of it but rather giggled while I untied my wrists and ankles. These were always very simple ties that didn't loosen by themselves, but that I could get out of within minutes should the need arise.

However, I stopped giggling when I slid the gag from my mouth. I hadn't been aware of the dull throb that my chin had, but it became very obvious when I slowly started to close my mouth for the first time in almost ten hours. People aren't designed to keep large gags in their mouths for extended periods and I came to notice it when my teeth didn't meet properly and my entire chin was almost paralysed. Fortunately my chin corrected itself quickly and even though it still hurt quite a lot, I knew that I didn't make permanent damage to my mouth in any way.

But the worst thing was when I looked myself on the mirror for the first time. I had noticed that the leather straps were somehow pressed into the corners of my mouth when I took the gag off, but now it became very obvious why. They were bright red with burns from the very tight leather strap. They were almost bleeding and I had to call everywhere to say that I was sick. I didn't dare to show my face like that. Unfortunately I came to find that those kinds of marks take days to recover from.

But that was the beginning of my more advanced selfbondage adventures, with the good lesson learned that I really shouldn't wear my gag too long and/or too tight. It also meant that I really couldn't use the gag for almost a week because I didn't want to make the corners of my mouth worse by using it even a little. But that built nicely into the anticipation what was to become my next adventure.

During the day that I remained out of sight healing my mouth, I realised that I didn't have a place to keep the gag hidden. It was very easy to explain the ropes, belts, scarves and other items that I had used in my various adventures because those were all common items that one needs when maintaining a house. But a ballgag at the back of a drawer wasn't going to pass as something to help to keep the garage door open.

That's when I realised the potential of the closet that has been the place for my bondage gear ever since. It had a small combination lock that could be used to secure the door from prying eyes. The official reasoning to this was that one could put all of her important papers and such there, but I was pretty sure that it had been used to hide a lot of things of a more private nature by the previous owners of the house. I stuffed all the ropes, belts and various other items of bondage goodness to the shelves, but it still felt that to put the ball gag just there was still too open. I took a small cardboard box and put the ball gag into that and then put the box to the lowest shelve. I didn't know it at the time, but the box would be the place where my gag collection started to build. First slowly and then more rapidly.

As one can probably imagine, now that the step of going into the city to buy bondage gear was first got over, it didn't take me long to go back to the store for the bigger gag as well. However, the smaller still has a special place in my heart and it's still what I use most of the time in my selfbondage adventures.

About six months later, I happened to get a new job to another big city. It was slightly further from the one where I had went to get my first gags, but from this city I found a store that seemed to take some pride in stocking a lot of bondage gear. I couldn't believe my eyes when I first saw their collection of gags, and I found that some part of my every payroll went directly to supporting my growing collection and hunger for different kinds of gags.

By this time, I had started to find what people saw in bondage movies and I started to download them from the internet. From these movies I saw a huge variety of different kinds of gags and I knew that I wanted to try every one of them. Even if they didn't look all that great or comfortable, I wanted all of them and I made a decision that I wouldn't keep myself back.

And so the collection in the cardboard box started growing and growing until I had every one that the store I used to get them had. I still kept to my decision of never speaking a word to the storekeepers of such establishments, I couldn't order them and I still don't have a credit card so I can't order them online.

But this actually makes it even more exciting, because now I'm in the hunt for new and different kinds of gags. I have about 30 in my collection today but some, even more common ones, are still missing. But the hunt and the wait between new gags makes getting one even more exciting so I don't actually complain.

And how I use that collection, is another story indeed. But I've told some of them already. And I will continue telling them in the future.

 

 

15.12.06