By Her Own Hand

Marion was a long-time bondage fan. Long time meant since she was 12, and she realized that any view of a person tied up, on TV or in a newspaper article, whether it was the victim of gangsters, or the gangsters themselves handcuffed by the police, created some strange and nice stirrings inside her.

Growing up, one thing led to another, and she progressed to the Internet and discovered that her taste was shared by others, and was called bondage. But, though she was hugely turned on by pictures and videos of tied-up beauties, she hadn't taken the step to actually practicing. How could she talk about her secret fantasies to anyone ? Whom to trust ? How could she take the plunge and the risk ? So she remained a closet bondage fan, and, as in many such cases, she indulged in self-bondage.

By now Marion, a 26 year-old girl, had her own flat, job and income, and could indulge her fantasies and buy her equipment. But she ran into the same issue all self-bondage fans know so well : the desire to be inescapably tied up, but also the need to release oneself at some point.

She had already experimented with the classics, such as locks and handcuffs, the keys to which are frozen in an ice cube that melts slowly, or tied to a string that eventually burns. She had used a combination lock in the dark that required her waiting for dawn to see her way out of her bonds. She had even purchased a time lock. All these methods worked well enough, and, being a methodical person, she had avoided the trouble that befalls careless self-bondagers.

But, knowing that she could get free, that she would get free actually, if she were just patient enough meant that she was not scared, not motivated to really try to get free. Nice enough, yes, but far from the great thrill she sought.

Marion was an avid reader of all bondage-related material. One item caught her attention. Some  items, such as vibrators or e-stim devices, had a « random » setting, meaning that the person didn't know ahead what he or she was in for. She thought she had found what she really wanted. A device that would keep her bound without her having any idea of how long it would last, nor any control over it. Exactly what she sought.

Now Marion's mind went into overdrive, fueled by years of not-fully-satisfactory self-bondage. She was going to go one better. So what device could she use that could control the bondage devices that she had in mind? Obviously, not the vibes and e-stim, that were essentially “closed” systems, not able to interface into other devices. More research followed, and then she struck gold. A device that controlled all the lights in the house, turning them on, and then off in a random pattern to simulate human presence while the owners were away, in order to deter burglars. If it controlled the electricity for lighting, it could control it also for other devices, right? She promptly ordered one, which could not only control “on-off” positions, but also more sophisticated functions, and was fitted with the all-important random generator. Now to the bondage side of things.

She decided, if she was going to get the full advantage of a random release time, it must be after a long period of bondage. No point going to all this trouble if she knew it would be free within one to two hours. She settled on a full-night minimum, say 10 hours, plus anything from zero to another 10 hours. She had already done overnight self-bondage, and knew that, after a few hours, she lost any sense of time, which seemed to slow to a crawl when she didn't sleep and wanted out.

So she had to think of a setup that would be compatible with very prolonged bondage. That ruled out handcuffs, that would be murderously painful, maybe even dangerous for such long periods of time. Hands tied behind her back were also out, as her shoulders wouldn't be able to take it.

For truly secure long term bondage, she knew there was nothing better than a straightjacket. Before chemical tranquilizers existed, violent patients had to be restrained on a permanent basis, and they were strapped in straightjackets for months, even years on end. Marion actually owned a straightjacket, a regulation Humane Restraint. She had worn it many times, and enjoyed its warm embrace, but, as she only ever played solo, could never make it really tight or inescapable, let alone both. Now how to get there with the controller device?

The solution came to her quickly. A winch. An electric winch, which would pull in or release cable that would be tied to the arm straps. If pulled in, the straightjacket sleeves would be wound tightly around her torso. And the winch could reverse itself, releasing cable and reducing the tension on her bonds, eventually all the way to her release. Attaching a cable to the straitjacket would be easy with the Humane Restraint, because, unlike most other SJ's, each sleeve incorporated a large eyelet at its sewn end. She immediately envisioned using a large snap hook, which she could put in place while the cable was not taut, but which she couldn't reach after the winch pulled in the cable.

She soon had her setup clearly in mind. She would start by putting herself in diapers. Not that she enjoyed the thought, but how else could she stay up to 20 hours tied to her bed? Then she would don her leather hood with built-in gag. Being blind and mute were essential components to achieving helplessness and losing all sense of time. Of course achieving the rest of her bondage without sight would be more difficult, but she could find no better way, as the next step was to put on her straightjacket. Once in it, there was no way she could lace her hood on, with her hands inside the closed sleeves, so the hood had to go on first.

Much more planning was involved, many trial runs to see exactly how and where all the items needed to be positioned, and then she was ready. It had taken her more than a month. What started off as a fantasy escalated into a major project, much more elaborate than she had thought initially, and more expensive, but now that ceased to matter. It was Friday night, and Marion was going to enjoy her first bout ever of total helplessness, and it would be a very long one at that.

She started by laying out her straightjacket on the bed. She needed to do everything precisely before she donned her hood, so she could later find everything in place sight unseen. She then prepared 2 sets of lockable Humane Restraints restraints mounted on wide canvas bed straps. One set for her ankles, and one for her biceps. She connected the straps firmly to the bed. While comfortable, even for long term, they were totally inescapable, and would keep her from any movement on the bed, let alone going anywhere. Another two sets of bed straps would hold her to the bed at thigh level and above her breasts; This was not so much for tightness or to increase her inability to escape, which would be complete even without those, as for the feeling of restriction and helplessness.

Her last implements were the chain and snap hook she would later to connect to the D-ring on the top of her hood, making her unable to lift or move her head, and the two cables fitted with large steel shackles. Each steel cable came from a winch she had fixed very solidly to the wall on either side of the bed. After giving it quite a bit of thought, she had settled on one winch and one cable per side, rather than one winch feeding out one cable which she would then attach to both sleeve ends. The cables themselves were deceptively thin, but rated at 500lbs, which should be enough to defeat even her most determined escape attempts and desperate efforts.

It was good that the cables were thin, because they would actually be passing under Marion's body. The simplest arrangement would have been to connect her left sleeve to the cable on her right side, and vice versa, but that would have meant that her arms and hands would be pulled across her chest and out to her sides, rather than all the way around her chest and in the back in the standard way. So she made the winches pay out enough cable that she could connect the right cable to her right sleeve after passing under her torso. It would have a more constricting effect, and replicate the real straightjacket experience more closely. Hence the need for a thin cable, because she did not fancy 2 thick lines of steel biting into her back for 10 hours or more. But she had tried it out, and the mattress and the stiff canvas of the straightjacket made for more than adequate cushioning against that. The other benefit of having two separate winches was insurance against the malfunction or jamming of either one of them. After all, she wanted to be helpless but not stuck there forever by mechanical failure.

Once she was done, she carefully programmed the controller. It was a device that had separate channels to control both winches independently. She programmed each channel to activate the initial pull-in that would tighten both cables and make her straitjacket bondage effective and irreversible, then no activity for 10 hours, then a random algorithm would decide, within a zero-to-ten-hour time bracket a return to the initial position, whereby Marion could unhook her sleeve ends from the cable shackles. Marion set the initial pull-in for 30 minutes hence, giving herself time to complete her bondage.

OK, now to the final stages of implementation. She was ready. She checked the settings of the air conditioner and closed the curtains, to minimize light in the room, so that she would have no visual indication of what time it was even if her hood was not 100% light-tight. She checked that she had locked her door, so that nobody could come in, not that she expected anyone.

Marion had read lots of self-bondage stories which all turned out wonderfully well, many of them incorporating a vital door left unlocked, or an unexpected visit. The partner used as safety by the hapless practitioner or random visitor always turns out to be, if not outright another bondage fan, at least open and interested, and he or she gives the willing victim a great time. But that applied only to stories, and Marion was too level-headed to just leave such matters to chance. So she favored thorough planning and redundant systems rather than putting herself in the hands of an unknowing back-up safety person.

She started by putting herself in nappies. Before that, she thought long and hard about inserting a vibrator, and maybe some e-stim as well, but decided against it. That would mean too much novelty, she had no idea how she would take this stimulation over such long periods.

After securing her nappies, which was not exactly a turn-on for her, Marion put in plugs in her ears, took a deep breath, and placed her leather hood on her head, with the built-in leather pecker gag in her mouth. That it wasn't as large as the rubber balls seen in bondage videos was important, as she knew there was no way she could have her jaws spread wide open by a large gag for more than an hour, let alone up to twenty, and she needed to be able to breathe around it easily enough. Step by step she tightened the hood around her face by pulling slack out of the laces. But, again mindful of the very long duration, and unlike bondage stories, she did not make it bone-crushingly tight. Still, it was enough for her heart to accelerate, and she was feeling both the thrill and urge to go ahead, and very real apprehension and fear.

Now for the key part. She grabbed her straightjacket, and slipped into it head first. She had pre-tightened the back straps only just enough to allow this, so it was not as strict as if applied by a another person, but she hadn't found a way to improve on that. And besides, as straightjacket aficionados know, great tightness of the back straps is not a requirement for inescapability if other conditions are respected. She took care of one of these conditions by buckling the crotch strap firmly, but not tightly, which was something she had practiced to do even with her hands enclosed in the sleeves' stiff canvas.

She now set herself on the bed, sliding her legs under the wide strap prepared for her thighs, until her ankles rested on the Humane restraints she had pre-arranged. Closing the restraints around her ankles and locking them with her hands already stifled by the thick canvas of the jacket sleeves, her feet and legs were now tightly immobilized, and she was going nowhere.

This was where matters would get both trickier and more irreversible. First she slipped her torso under the second wide bedstrap, and stretched out on the bed. That put her head and hood where she could just connect the D-ring on her hood to the snap-hook and chain that would keep her head immobile for many hours. This was not easy for her to do, because she had to bring her canvas-enclosed hands to do it on top of her head, and it was a tight fit, but again practice beforehand let her achieve it quickly enough for her not to have a change of mind.

Marion's heart was now thumping, its sound magnified by the thick leather hood she was wearing, which, combined with the earplugs, smothered outside sounds. She was now firmly affixed to the bed at head and feet. If she went any further and deprived herself of the use of her sleeved arms, there would be no escape until the machine decided it, much, much later. One last precaution, she pulled the quilt she had prepared to cover her body for her long session. She had read that total immobility leads to people becoming rapidly cold, and she didn't want that to happen. Not for over ten hours.

She positioned her left bicep on the open Human Restraint cuff, which she closed with her right hand, again a fiddly task with her fingers numbed by the stiff canvas. Once that was done she did the same with her right arm. Achieving this was only possible because she wasn't strapped tightly. That was one of the niceties of her concept: she needn't concern herself with tightness before the machine took care of it later, which made her getting into bondage much easier.

She then slipped her left forearm though the center loop of the straightjacket, and grabbed the snap-hook connected to the sleeve end, and stretching her left hand out across her torso, tried to find the shackle and cable that passed under her torso. It took her quite a bit of trial and error. Once she found where the shackle was, she needed to open the snap hook to connect it, not easy when your fingers are inside a straightjacket sleeve, but she managed it. She pulled on her left arm, and was gratified to feel it held  with a strength she couldn't break, even though the hold was far from tight.

This was the last minute for a change of heart. But it was too late for Marion to give up so much effort, wait and money just because she chickened out at the last minute. And for what? She slipped her right arm through the center loop, pushed it across her torso, grabbed as best she could the snap-hook, and searched for the last shackle, that would complete her immobilization more securely than in any prison or psych ward. There, it was done!

The very minute her fingers let go of the snap-hook, Marion wanted out. This was crazy! The anxiety far outweighed any fantasy, and the thought of being held like this for so many hours scared her outright. But just as her fingers groped on both sides for one of the snap hooks that could let her release herself, she felt rather than heard a twin vibration, and to her shock, felt the cables slide under her torso, then around her hips, then pull on the sleeves that imprisoned her arms. She tried to resist, now that she no longer had the gumption to go ahead, but she had done her preparation too well, she was no match for the winches and cables, and her arms soon hugged her tighter and tighter. If that wasn't frightening enough, what if the winches didn't stop? Would the cables dislocate her shoulders?

Just as panic gripped her, the whirring and vibration stopped, and so did the pulling. Marion had done her work well, her arms were now tightly immobilized around her and the sleeves affixed behind her back. But she needed to get out, having been scared out of her wits, a far, far cry from the pleasant fantasies she had held for so long. She tried to grab the snap hooks again. That is when she really understood that, unless she could come up with something, she wasn't getting out until the heartless, unthinking, random machine let her out.

By pulling on her sleeves, the winches had tightened the whole setup. Marion's arms were now tightly held by the bicep restraints, without which they could easily have gone further across her torso to get hold of the snap hooks. But, because the cables were now taut, and because the sleeves were longer than her arms, the sleeve ends and the vital snap hooks were now too far for her fingers to reach, and she couldn't get the 2-3 inches she needed to get hold of the hooks at the ends of her sleeves. She could move her hands within the oversize sleeves somewhat, but the sleeves themselves were tightly tied to the cables. Whether she liked it or not, she was held, and held fast. She was the true prisoner she had wanted to be for so long. And only then did she experience the fact that fantasy and reality were not always one and the same.

Marion couldn't believe that she was now helpless. She pulled on her arms, on her feet, raised her head, or rather tried to, only to be reminded that it was now tethered to the bed like every other part of her body. She tried to move, but she was held fast. That is when her situation began to sink in.

She was well and properly tied up and totally immobilized! Not only was she going to have to stay there, whether she liked it or not, but there was very little she could to move at all. It was going to be a long, long wait. Would it live up to her lustful expectations?

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19.04.13