The Big Night

It’s not often that I get the place to myself for a weekend. So when my wife planned a trip back east I began to plan a ‘session’ for myself. When I get time alone, I like to put together and enact a current sexual fantasy to actually experience what I daydream about. I want to do more than imagine my fantasy; I want to actually see what it feels like. And this time I’d thought I’d write a running account of it. My greatest fantasies involve self-feminization and self-bondage; I like to feel like a girl and I like feeling helplessly exposed. This time I’ve prepared myself for a night as a big-breasted girl wearing petticoats and high heels.

I know it’s hard for me to actually look like a girl, but as anyone who likes to cross-dress knows: it’s really how you feel rather than how you look. Over time though, I have been able to make myself fairly girlish in spite of the masculine characteristics. I’ve found that since I’m tall that large breasts help proportion my arms and shoulders. And support hose helps soften the curves of my legs. Of course the big breasts leave no doubt of my femininity - but I do want to make sure though that they’re not too big or out of proportion. And I can easily imagine my legs as more slender than they really are when I’m wearing pantyhose and/or stockings.

Anyway, this time I pursued several new innovations: I found a website that sold short (16”) petticoats, I decided to order a ‘body briefer’ and waist cincher from Penney’s to give me more ‘shape’, and by chance I found a novelty squeeze toy that resembles a water balloon that is the perfect size for my DD sized bra. DD sounds a bit large but it does give me the right proportions that I mentioned and makes me unmistakably breasty without appearing overly big. I ordered the petticoat, briefer and cincher and waited eagerly for them to come. That anticipation was almost as exciting as trying them on, and when they arrived I wasn’t disappointed; they fit perfectly and looked as feminine as I imagined. I know with these I will definitely be a pretty girl. 

I hope to write about the actual night (which at this point hasn’t actually happened at this point in the narrative) and this is my plan: first, I would remove the hair from my legs. This will be unmistakably feminine and the feeling of pantyhose on bare legs is far, far more sensuous than on my hairy legs. I’ll dress beginning with my Victoria’s Secret thong panties and then my suntan colored pantyhose. I flip my penis up over my belly so there’s nothing between my legs - the panties will hold it in place and the briefer will help flatten it.

Next I have a T backed front hook bra to hold my ‘balloons’. I generally use a second ‘back hook’ bra over that bra to support my ‘breasts’. Since one hooks in front and one hooks in back, I can’t remove them when I’m handcuffed and that adds to the feeling of having ‘real’ big breasts. This time too I have the ‘body briefer’ so I’ll use the second bra on top after I put on the briefer. I’ll put the petticoat on the outside of the briefer but I’ll put the waist cincher over the non fluffy top part of the petticoat so that it’s held in place and not easily removed. The petticoat (along with my big breasts) is about the most feminine underwear I can imagine. After I put on my high heels there will be no doubting that I’m dressed like a girl. My pumps are 5’ Fredrick’s of Hollywood black patent ‘fuck me’ heels. I use a small but sturdy chain to lock them around my ankles so I can’t kick them off. The chain adds an extra sexiness to the heels and I am definitely stuck wearing them until I unlock the lock. Finally, I’ll add the accessories: wig, jewelry, and makeup; and I’ll be ‘dressed’.

The last session I did I just wore my bras and a garter belt and stockings with my heels. But I put earplugs in my ears and put a micro stereo radio headset on with a blindfold and finally wrapped my head so I had no hearing or vision sensation other than the music I played full blast from the radio. I hooked a leash to my collar and was prepared to handcuff my hands behind my back to wait for the key drop I had set up. Just prior to blindfolding myself I got nicely stoned. The resulting sensations left me feeling extremely sexual and feminine as I danced blind to the music. The overall feeling was absolutely marvelous and I have never felt so feminine as I did after I got stoned. Blindfolding myself allowed my imagination go wild and I felt very much like a girl in a bra and stockings; and it very was easy to imagine that everybody was watching me while I danced. I chickened out at the last second with the handcuffs, which would have left me stuck for about three hours. Instead I masturbated to a tremendous orgasm.

So this time one of my main goals is to not chicken out. This time I’ll get stoned and set up my key drop and make sure I‘m stuck and helpless for several hours. I plan to start out slowly by getting dressed early in the evening around dark, get a little buzz going, dance with myself in the mirror, and luxuriate in fondling my curves and breasts. And I’ll just walk around the house like a pretty, sexy slut-girl. 

Our house is on several acres in the country so I can also go outside at night in relative safety. The barn is about a 150 yards from the house near the road and during the day I would be totally exposed to the road traffic trying to walk from the house to the barn. I shudder at the thought of trying to get from the house to the barn dressed in a white petticoat and lingerie. At night all I would have to do is dodge the headlights shining across the drive but during the day there would be no darkness to hide in. This, however, gives me the basis for my upcoming adventure. I will set up my key drop in the barn so I have to go there to get my escape key once it falls from the ice; and I’ll make it so it falls at night; that’s no big deal. But I’ll time it so it falls between 4 and 5 in the morning so I NEED to be awake then to get it before sunrise. 

Here’s what I’ll do: my ice timer drops after about 7 hours so I’ll hang it in the rafters of the barn around 10PM then go get really stoned and watch a movie. By midnight I expect to be shit faced and really into myself as a girl. That should be the best time to handcuff myself. I have a pair of good handcuffs with a 12” chain between the cuffs and a padlock in the middle of the chain. I use these by crossing my left arm behind my back so my left hand is far over by my right elbow. Simultaneously, I cross my right hand behind my back so it’s over by my left elbow. I lie on my back and lay the cuffs across my belly so I can grab each cuff with my hands (crossed behind my back). Then all I need to do is wiggle my hands through each cuff, rock back and forth to squeeze the cuffs closed; and then I’m helpless. 

Not only am I cuffed, but also with my shoulders pulled back my breasts are pushed out and accentuated, and my arms are hidden behind my back. The effect is very pronounced. Plus the ONLY way to unlock myself is with a special key arrangement that I won't be able to access until the ice key drops. I don’t have a backup key. I can’t bring my hands together because they’re at opposite sides of my body, and I can’t bring my hands around to access the handcuff key slot on the cuffs. Hence the padlock on the chain- that I can reach with my special key. I can actually be comfortable for long periods of time with my arms restrained this way and if I cuff myself at around midnight I will be comfortably restrained for about 4 hours (if I don’t chicken out). And 4 hours is a long time. The scary/exciting part of this is that with the grass I could easily sleep right into the morning leaving me unable to safely get to the barn in the daylight to get my key.

Imagining this adventure over and over is very exciting to me. I can picture myself big breasted and silky legged with my sexy high heels and my fluffy petticoat and all pretty with my wig and makeup. I’ll have on some pearls and earrings, and eyeliner and bright red lipstick, too. I can also imagine myself waking up at 9 or 10 in the morning and realizing that I need to walk to and from the barn in broad daylight to get my escape key. (There is a good amount of traffic on our country road during the day.) Either that or spend the entire day in my outfit with my arms pinned behind me. I’ve already decided I’m not going to use an alarm clock just to make it all the more risky. I’ll have no idea how this will really work but I know I’ll feel beautifully sexy. I’m counting on the grass to free my imagination and let me be a pretty, sexy girl. And I’m hoping I don’t wake up to the mailman coming down the drive. 

I found a few free hours alone at home before the designated weekend and I couldn’t help myself. I took out a pair of my pantyhose, the briefer and my bras, and my petticoat with the cincher and tried them on for a dress rehearsal. Wow, was I sexy. There’s no mistaking the femininity of my breasts, and stockings; and my petticoat is so pretty. The snug embrace of the cincher around my waist enthralls me. I feel like a high-class whore walking around in my heels with my petticoat slip swishing around my thighs. What an incredible feeling- and I’m not even fully dressed, AND I’m not even stoned! It was everything I imagined it would be. This upcoming adventure promises to be unforgettable.

I’ve also been thinking about other options to enhance the excitement. Many of these ideas I’ll use to build the expectation in my mind but I haven’t yet decided if I want to actually incorporate them into my adventure. I have found that if I make it too hard or too complicated I chicken out. I did blindfolds and earplugs last time (and I did chicken out) so I’ll think about that again but probably not do them. I kind of like to see myself anyway, especially when I restrain myself for extended times. 

Nipple clips are quite stimulating but extended times can get too uncomfortable. The same with a butt plug which I was seriously considering because it does convey the ‘feeling’ of being fucked. But both nipple clips and butt plugs work better just prior to masturbating though rather than for long periods. The thrill of having something big and vibrating up my butt tends to wear with time. And the nipple clips actually numb with time unless you pull on them and then after a while they just plain hurt. I have a big ball gag that I can barely fit in my mouth but I won’t use it when I restrain myself. I will fantasize though about being all dressed up with clips, plugs and ball gags in place and blindfolded though. 

It is exciting and scary to lie in bed at night and imaging myself wearing my bra and petticoat and in high heels, with nipple clips pulling at my nipples and a big old butt plug buzzing away in my behind. And not being able to do anything about either because I’ve handcuffed myself. Even more, having my head wrapped and my mouth full of my ball gag with the stereo phones on so I can’t see or hear anything is especially scary. I’ve actually tried in the past to find my way to the barn at night with my head wrapped with the only way to tell where I am is when I bump into something. Imagine being all dressed up with big, round breasts, long silky legs, sexy high heels, and a cute, fluffy petticoat on with nipple clips pulling and a big vibrating dong up your rear. Then imagine being blindfolded and only being able to hear rock and roll so you have no sense of direction except for the wind blowing (if there is any). Now handcuff yourself in the house and know you need to find your way to the barn by walking out in the open with cars passing by. I actually did this once late at night and found myself not by the barn like thought I would be, but down by the entrance to the driveway. I was lucky; thank goodness it was late at night so there was no traffic, and this particular time my cuffs suddenly popped open, so I got free by chance. Otherwise I would have been wandering lost in the front yard down by the road in my sexy,  girly underwear. 

I can picture myself struggling to get to the barn when someone sees me and pulls into the drive. Standing with my arms pinned behind me, my breasts prominently displayed, and my short, puffy petticoat swaying in the night breeze. Standing in their headlights, my silky high heeled legs glimmering, with no way for me to even know which way to run to hide because I can’t see a thing. And no way to even protest or explain because of the oversized rubber ball in my mouth. There’s nothing I would be able to do- I would be at their mercy. A car full of girls deciding how they want to play with me in my helplessness, or worse a truck full of guys wanting me to give them blow jobs. I tremble a the thought of being taken to some deserted country road and left bound, gagged and blindfolded after being teased, tormented, and humiliated. Terrifying and thrilling.

One time I tied my knees together before I put my cuffs on the way I described, only to discover that when I fell down I couldn’t get up. I found I had no ability to use my hands or even my arms to leverage myself up. And with my knees together I couldn’t even raise myself to a sitting position. I struggled for an hour in the barn to get myself off the ground. It was relatively easy to hop around when I was upright but when I stumbled and fell on my side I was almost totally helpless. Consequently, I never tie my ankles or knees when I use those ‘crossed behind my back’ cuffs.

The Big Night

It's finally the night I've been imagining for the last few weeks! This is it and I’m as nervous as a virgin on prom night. I’ve organized all the clothes I want to wear: my white thong panties, my pantyhose and high heeled pumps, my bras and body briefer, my waist cincher and of course the petticoat slip. I have added to the ensemble a garter belt and stockings- they are way sexy! I also have my pearl necklace and earrings, my lipstick and eye makeup, and my wig. And finally, I have my handcuffs and key release device. I’m considering wearing a hot pink swing skirt but I want to see what it looks like on me before I decide to wear it. I don’t have a top I like so I will probably just go with my bra showing. From this point on I’ll do the best I can to describe moment by moment what I experience:

It’s 6PM and twilight in late October. It’s cool outside but California winters are relatively mild so the temperature will probably only drop into the 50's tonight.

I used hair remover on my legs the night before so the first thing I am doing this early evening is taking a shower. 

(20 minutes later) I’ve now finished my shower and have decreed that I will only wear female clothes for the rest of the night! Naked, I pour myself a double of JD to help me relax. This is it, I say to myself. I don’t want to chicken out this time. I can’t wait to be dressed like a girl and helpless!

I have a mantra I like to chant to myself. ‘I’m a pretty girl with my big, round breasts and my long silky legs, my sexy high heels, and my pretty little panties and my cute, frilly petticoat; all dressed up for everyone to see’. I repeat this over and over. It helps me to focus.

So I begin. I pick up my white thong panties from Victoria’s Secret and find the tag in the back so I can slip them on. Stepping into the leg holes is like crossing a threshold. I’m a girl tonight. I pull them up into my butt crack and try to adjust my penis, which is erect, so it points up over my belly. I’ve decided to put a condom on in case, in my excitement, I ejaculate (which right now I could very well do). Especially if I’m handcuffed; I don’t want to soil my pretty underwear. From behind the panties define my pretty ass; from the front I struggle to contain my penis. Soon though it will be compressed by the briefer and buried in the frills of the petticoat. I can hardly wait, 

Now for the pantyhose. Fresh out of the Leggs box, I unfold them and work the first side onto my thumbs so I can slip them up my leg. I snug them up over my knee and switch to the other side to repeat the process. After both sides are up over my knees and snug I continue pulling the stockings up my thighs to my waist. The silky smoothness is heavenly. The silkiness on my hairless legs gives me a rush of feminine feelings. My legs actually look pretty.

I pick up the front hook bra that has a special pocket in each cup for the ‘balloons’. I swing it over my arms like a special lacy vest and load each of my breasts into their respective cups. This bra is a little floppy but when I hook the front I suddenly have breasts; big breasts. I back hook my garter belt around my waist to have it on under the briefer and I quickly step into each leg of the briefer and work it up over my hips. The snugness is comforting and sensual at the same time. My penis presses against my belly and I begin to have some real female shape as I pull the shoulder straps up. I also pull the garter hooks through the legs so they dangle at my thighs ready to hook to my stockings. The cups firm up my breasts and I suddenly have a pleasing figure. For completeness, even though I am beginning to feel constrained, I put my other bra on. I load my breasts into its satin sups and fasten the hooks in back. The satin roundness gives my breasts their final definition. I definitely have the shape of a buxom woman now and I feel really, really sexy. 

I decide to put my wig on next for reasons I’ll explain in a sec. This is an easy step- just fit it on my head; but the transformation is dramatic. A full head of blond hair tumbling down around my shoulders completes the transition. I want now to set up my video camera to film me in my glorious femininity and I can do it now that I have my wig on. I put it in the far corner opposite my closet door mirrors so I can film myself at my mirrors. I’ll record myself both from front and back while primping and admiring myself and as I finish dressing and making myself up.

The camera is running and I feel the desire to record as much of the night as possible. I gently pick up my petticoat. It’s feminine and sensual. I step into it and let it caress my legs as I bring it up to my waist. You can’t be more feminine than this. I twirl in front of the mirror and enjoy the rustle of the slip against my thighs. The last thing for me to do is to secure my slip into place with my waist cincher. It is tight like a corset and it gives me a slender girlish waist. It will also hold the petticoat from slipping off and now there will be no quick disrobing if I am intruded upon suddenly. I now take a pair of sheer black stocking and work them up each leg. I hook them to the garters under the petticoat. I am nearly done. Once I lock my heels on it will take a long time for me to disassemble my female creation. I’ll leave these keys in the barn when I take my key release device out in a little while. So if someone comes by or sees me, this is it, I would be caught dressed like a girl. My heels fit perfectly but it is a little work to get the ankle chain locked on. The waist cincher keeps me pretty upright. But when I’m done I stand straight and tall and I have a gorgeous figure. Wow, am I a sight and boy do I like being a girl.

I move slowly and sensuously enjoying the feminine feelings of my attire. I decide to wear the swing skirt. It’s hot pink and covers all but the bottom of the petticoat. It’s an excellent addition to my outfit. Looking at myself in the mirror and petting my breasts and legs is a double pleasure. I tilt and rock my hips and move my shoulders to show off my breasts, legs and skirt- this is what it feels like to be a pretty, sexy girl. What a thrill it must be for a girl to show herself off in public when she feels like this. ‘I’m a pretty girl with my big, round breasts and my long silky legs, my sexy high heels, and my pretty little panties and my cute, frilly petticoat; all dressed up for everyone to see’.

I want to be finished with the preparations but I want to enjoy the sensual feelings; no wonder women take so long to get ready- how sexy. I fasten the strand of pearls around my neck and hook the earrings on. They’re the dangly type that secure to my earlobes by screwing tight because I don’t have pierced ears. They won’t easily come off though once I have them screwed on. Finally, I put my eye makeup and my lipstick and a little face powder on to make my face pretty. 

It’s still a little early to hang the escape key but I feel eager to enjoy my new body so I step outside the kitchen door to take a toke and to begin getting high. The cool outside air caresses my legs and thighs and I’m at a heightened level of exposure outside as I stand in the early evening darkness and take a hit. The click of my heels on the walkway only further announces to me my womanhood. Outside I feel away from the security of hiding indoors. Wouldn’t it be cool if I could go out with a group of girls and go dancing or bar hopping? Just to be one of the girls and have people admiring my legs and breasts and ass. Knowing that people want to look under my dress. The grass starts to hit me and I feel less masculine; thinner and more delicate; smaller and more ladylike. My whole being is centering on my femininity and I feel pretty, I feel sexual, I feel like I’m big breasted and erotic in my frilly, saucy outfit.

The sensations are marvelous and I feel very comfortable stepping out into the driveway (shielded by the night) to revel in the swish and rush of the satin and nylon that I’m wearing. I pause and take another hit of the grass and look up at the stars and the glow of my prettiness engulfs me. I am a pretty girl with my big, round breasts and my long silky legs, my sexy high heels, and my pretty little panties and my cute, frilly petticoat; all dressed up for everyone to see. Wow, do I like being a girl!

As it approaches 10 o’clock (my start time for the ice key release) I’m very pleasantly stoned and enraptured with my pretty femininity. I can safely walk to the barn but I’m amazed at how far it seems to be walking in heels and in an altered state. I have the ladder positioned inside so I just need to climb up and hang the release devise. I’m not going to do anything too difficult right now; just hang and forget. I’ve also brought the keys to the chains around my high heels too. I’ll leave them out here on a ledge where I can’t reach them when I’m handcuffed. I hang the release device quickly, stow the ladder, and hide my other keys and my destiny for the night is nearly set. The key to drop is my house key; I'll lock the house up, and it closes up pretty securely, so when I go outside handcuffed I'll need to wait until the key drops to get back inside to uncuff myself. I’m thrilled and terrified at the same time. So let’s go back to the house, take another toke and watch an erotic movie. 

The grass is good stuff and I am getting higher and higher as I walk back from the barn. I’m warm in the cool night and I truly feel more like a girl than I have ever felt before in all of my adventures. My breasts are round and beautiful, the stockings on my legs and my high heels leave me breathless with sexuality, and my petticoat swings back and forth as I move, all bring me to the edge of ecstasy. (Maybe it’s a good thing I put that condom on) When I close my eyes I can see myself standing in the driveway in my sexy lingerie and I simultaneously want to fuck me and be fucked. I’m spinning with the desire of my own erotic sexuality. I stand in the driveway with my eyes closed and my hands on my breasts and under my slip for what seems like hours. My mind flies and I want to be in the middle of a crowd of admirers all looking at my legs and ass and breasts, all wanting to fuck me. The dream goes on and on. 

The movie I rented is about a pretty, young Japanese prostitute who rents herself to rich executive types who use her in an incredible number of ways. She enters a hotel dressed demurely in a conservative dress and white stockings- very young and virginal. She then changes in the bathroom into whatever costume the client is expecting. Sometimes she wears leather, and sometimes just stockings and a garter belt; sometimes there's another girl or girls there with her. There was no great point to the movie but it contributed to my fantasy of tits and legs- I saw myself with round breasts and a pert ass doing all sorts of decadent things in hotel rooms. And when the movie ended I realized it was my signal to start the final phase of my adventure.

I double check to see that the key to the lock that will release my restraint was on the kitchen counter and, knowing that the key to open the house was hanging in the barn, I take one final toke to put me into a delicious high. This is it; I go into the bedroom and sit on the bed moving my left hand behind my back. It's a little bit of a reach to loop my fingers into the cuff by my right elbow but I quickly slip my hand through. I then reach my right hand back and over to grab the other cuff. I 'm close now, but I'm not outside yet so I have an out- the key is still within reach on the kitchen counter. I look down to see my big, round breasts and my black stockings under my petticoat and tell myself to move on.

It 's easy now to lay back and ease my hands all the way through both cuffs. My breasts pointed up as I suck my stomach in and I slowly rock left and right hearing the cuffs quietly click tighter and tighter as I lean on each side. I begin my little chant: 'I'm a pretty girl with my big, round breasts… And I get up and slowly move to the back door. I move in the quiet darkness with the grass giving me a feeling of pleasant euphoria. My white bra and petticoat float ghostlike in the darkness. As I move closer to the back door the feeling of finality grows within me- it's an erotic combination of fear and thrill that only comes with being dressed in pretty girls clothing with the potential risk of being caught and humiliated. And not being able to do anything to escape. I want to be a pretty, sexy girl; part of me wants to be caught and sexually abused, and part of me is scared to death. 

I reach the back door and suddenly I'm frozen in place. I don’t think I’ve ever been so excited in my life. It's dark all around me and I can hear the crickets and innocent night sounds faintly outside. I 'm trembling uncontrollably. This is the thrilling adventure I wanted. Dressed like a big-breasted girl in a sexy garter belt and stockings and heels. My breasts are on unmistakable display with my arms pinned behind me by the handcuffs. And I soon I would be stuck outside waiting for the key to fall. I shake violently in the quiet darkness just inside the door. 

I need to calm myself enough to proceed. I stand with my eyes closed for several seconds trying to clear my mind and let myself go on. 'Let’s do this one step at a time', I tell myself. I repeat my little mantra- ‘I’m a pretty girl with my big, round breasts and my long silky legs, my sexy high heels, and my pretty little panties and my cute, frilly petticoat; all dressed up for everyone to see’.

I continue to stand still with my eyes closed. My arms are locked behind my back and I wiggle to test their finality. Here I am, finally standing one step away from a night of self induced bondage as a helpless girl. I can feel the weight of my breasts in front and I know they pointed out in an unmistakably provocative way; I can feel the silky stockings clinging to my legs and I know how sexy they look with my high heels. And the wispy feeling of my hair on my shoulders and my petticoat floating against my legs is totally unnerving. I continue to shake so badly the handcuffs practically rattle.

This is it, and everything is ready. I need to make my mind blank and force myself out of my frightened paralysis. I silently order myself over to the door. I then move slowly over and awkwardly reach over to the doorknob. I then I order myself to turn the knob and pull the door open. I move in very slow motion opening the door and chanting rapidly. The sudden coolness of the outside air causes me to waver for a second but I am determined not to loose my momentum. I continue to chant- ‘I’m a pretty girl with my big, round breasts and my long silky legs, my sexy high heels, and my pretty little panties and my cute, frilly petticoat; all dressed up for everyone to see’. I swing the door open and stand at the threshold with the door bumping my hip. I order myself to go out. I push the door away with my hip and hesitate. It swings back and bumps against me. I close my eyes and again order myself to go out. 

'This is really it', I say to myself, 'do it now'. I repeat my chant and feel the euphoric, sensual high of the grass. I keep my eyes closed and I swing the door open with my hip again this time taking one quick step out onto the porch (as though the quickness of my step would negate my impending fate). I squeeze my eyes closed and listen for the door to swing shut behind me. I realize with a start that I am moaning, but as the door latch clicks shut I jump and my involuntary moan is cut off. I 'm flushed with the realization that my fantasy had really begun. There are no more opportunities to turn back. Numbly and with my eyes still squeezed shut I step back over to the door and try the doorknob; it is indeed locked. I have passed the point of no return and I can only go on. There is no backup key and I can’t undo anything I had done. I am now trembling so badly I need to lean against the closed door to steady myself. I feel ready to explode.

I stand on the porch looking out into the darkness for many minutes. The driveway curves down toward the barn and that is the way I ultimately need to go. It's very dark with just starlight to see by. I take my first tentative steps off the porch and down the walkway to the driveway. The cool evening air teases through my legs. My adventure has begun and I'm thrilled and scared to death. I begin my walk down the driveway trying to get used to walking without being able to use my arms for balance. It is more than a little awkward in heels with my arms pinned behind my back. And it's funny, now that I'm out here; I'm not so scared any more. In fact, suddenly I feel bold and daring. I suddenly feel like going out to the road and trying to flag a car down using my breasts and legs to get attention. I suddenly have this overwhelming desire to go and jump up and down as the next car drives by. I have the time; I have about 4 hours outside before the key drops. And I'm pretty and sexy; I'm a girl: a bad girl. I feel like I need to behave like one. 

The road draws me to it. The thought of exposing myself to the next car that passes obsesses me and I love hearing my heels clicking quickly down the driveway toward the road in the distance. Just like the little Japanese prostitute in the movie, I'm fearless and determined to go sexually over the edge. I feel like such a pretty girl with my big, round breasts and my long silky legs, my sexy high heels, and my pretty little panties and my cute, frilly petticoat; all dressed up for everyone to see. It's well after midnight as I scurry toward the road. I reach the end of the driveway and continue onto the pavement to the double yellow line. It's so dark with just the starlight above, and cool with a light breeze but I feel hot and spotlighted at the center of the universe. I close my eyes and slowly turn in a complete circle still chanting my pretty girl mantra. Time stands still for me and I imagine that my breasts and legs and pretty petticoat are the focus of everyone's attention- no one can take their eyes off me.

Hours seem to go by and I open my eyes, disappointed that no one has come by. I slowly look around to realize that I'm standing completely out in the open. I begin to tire of this exhibition and it dawns on me that this may be somewhat foolhardy. What a wonderful fantasy though. What if someone did come by and did unspeakably humiliating things to me? Wow. 

So I walk back to the driveway and onto the lawn near a cluster of small bushes. I choose a spot near the road but partially hidden from view. I lie down and stare up at the stars thinking about the evening's events. The grass is cool and caressing and I'm saturated with vivid images of myself as a helpless, exposed, and sexy girl. It's been marvelous. As I lie on my back in the yard, just a few feet from the road, I close my eyes and doze off.

 

12.09.01