panic session - by helpless
i had an interesting self-bondage session earlier in the week, in which i discovered that the best-laid plans and the most regular of habits can backfire and cause lots of physical and mental anguish. however, despite the panic i experienced during this session, i had three back-to-back orgasms, which i will have much trouble replicating in the future. my perversion compels me to make my actions known in some way; in this case, i feel i should communicate what went wrong and why it felt SO GOOD, and at the same time why self-bondage can suddenly become dangerous. this is my account of how this happened to me, and all elements of this account are true.

it was a pretty large recipe, and is as follows:
my typical self-bondage session, which i have done many times, is designed to allow me to be in strict hogtie-bondage for a while until my maturbatory aids do their work and bring me to orgasm; then, i can wriggle and remove myself from bondage. i am bound long enough to feel helpless and enjoy an orgasm, but immediately afterwards i can free myself with some effort.

first, i get naked and prepare the masturbation implements, which will bring me to an orgasm while i am encased in spandex and bound in a very tight, very satisfying hogtie. i take a foot-long strip of duct tape and tear it lengthwise into two equally sized, smaller strips. bringing myself to erection, i use the two strips of duct tape to mount the two vibrating eggs on opposite sides of my penis... one goes in front, the other goes in back. i forcefully strap them to my penis, guaranteeing that my penis will undergo serious vibrations while i am bound. the wires coming off the two vibrating eggs lead to the vibrator's controller, which is basically a slider that i can vary the strength of vibrations with. the vibrator takes two double-A batteries and is capable of producing incredible sensations in my groin. i test the slider and feel the wondrous vibrations of the eggs, and in verifying this, i proceed to the next steps.

next, i begin wrapping myself in spandex. the first garment is a black turtleneck spandex unitard, which covers every part of my body save for my hands, feet, and head. it zippers up in the back. i love spandex bodywear because it adds extra sensations to the standard sensations of bondage. the tightness of the garment yields to the movement of my body, and slithers over my flesh like a giant gentle hand. i enter the unitard, but i save the zippering up of the back until later, since i am going to save the nipple clamps until i get the ropes in place... i place the control for the vibrating eggs beneath the spandex that tightly covers my legs... specifically, i place the control between the spandex garment and my thigh in a spot that i cannot access while hogtied, nor can i rub against the carpet to adjust the vibration setting. once i am bound, i will not be able to turn off the vibrating eggs until i have removed myself from the hogtie.

to add to the cocoon-like sensations of spandex, i begin to put on yet another black spandex unitard, but this on covers my feet, arms, AND head. i enter the garment up to my waist, and save my torso for later, since i will need to add the nipple clamps before finishing off the spandex sausage wrapper.

the next step is to bind my legs together and incorporate the ring device. i wrap a coil of rope around my ankles, and as i pass the rope between my ankles to cinch the bind, i place the ring device between my ankles such that the ring device is secured between my ankles. makes for a tighter hogtie. then i attach the cinch rope to the ring device... now i have a pull cord and a cord which has a noose on one end, with the ring device in between the two. pulling on the pull cord draws the noose cord towards my ankles; thus, when i am hogtied, i will be able to force my wrists closer to my ankles and it will remain cinched until i am released.

i then bind my legs together with three more ropes; one right below my knees, one right above my knees, and one cinching my thighs together. my legs are now essentially transfored into one giant, clumsy leg. i can bend my legs at my knees, but i cannot move them apart. i cannot ignore the feel of my binds, but their placement is comfortable, so i proceed onward.

i continue to work my way up -- the next step is adding the small rubber-tipped nipple clamps to my nipples. at this point i am rather excited and i don't notice the pain, so i add the clothespins to the small clamps such that the mouths of the clothespins cover the mouths of the smaller rubber-tipped clamps. this has the effect of doubling the clamping sensation in my nipples... and later, while i am writhing about on the floor, i can feel the clamps tugging and pulling on my nipples due to the strange shapes of clamps rubbing about on the floor at odd angles. now that the nipple clamps are in place on my bare nipples, i cover them up by finishing up the zipping up of the back zipper of the first black unitard i had donned. i could feel the clamps being pressed into place by the fabric. needless to say, this excited me further.

now it's time for the head-related stuff. i attach my red rubber ball gag. it has a ring device on one end. i have gotten dextrous enough to wind the proper windings in order to cause the ring device to tighten the rope that binds the gag to my face; thus, i can tug on the free end of the cord and the ring device slides further down the rope, tightening in its occupation of my mouth.

i begin to add to the deprivation of my senses (a pursuit not unlike meditation, except that instead of focusing on life goals or self-improvement, you end up focusing on pure bound lust and eroticism, and you begin to occupy a strange world while you are bound. the agony and silence of being bound intensify the sensual experience of anything that is happening to you. in my case, the buzzing vibrations of the plastic eggs focus their efforts in my groin and the only way i can measure that is through the feelings that i obtain from there. all other input has been blocked by my own acts of self-bondage, and the result is indescribable bliss.) i find my rubber ear plugs and stuff them into my ears, and i can feel the world's sound melting away and all i can hear is my own breathing and my own heartbeat.

i grab the two white thigh-high nylon-lycra stockings and shove them over my head. this makeshift hood intensifies the effects of the gag and the ear plugs, and helps to complete the cocooning effects of the spandex garments. i can see through the stockings but with limited success since they are partially blocking my sight.

i intend to put myself into a hogtie, but more binding is needed. i grab the two adjustable web straps, which i have pre-adjusted for this occasion, and lock them in place. the web straps are basically straps of nylon webbing with an adjustable buckle on one end. the other end of the strap snaps into this adjustable buckle, and is a very convenient way to bind something in a hurry. i take the first web strap, loop it around my waist, and snap the buckle closed. this waist belt has just barely enough room for me to shove my wrists through it behind me. the second belt goes around my chest, leaving only enough room for me to shove my arms through it. the effect is that when i am hogtied, the waist belt holds my wrists against my waist, and the chest belt holds my arms at my sides.

at this point, i am encased in spandex, ropes are binding my legs together, the ring-device contraption at my ankles is waiting for my willing wrists, my senses are deprived, my communication is blocked, my ears are deaf, and my nipples are in pleasureable pain. the waist rope and chest rope do not hold my arms at this point. before getting into the hogtie, however, i complete my hood by taking the spandex hood attached to the outer unitard (the one with gloved hands and feet) and cover my head with it. my view becomes darker, but i can still make out a shape here and there.

now it was time to complete the bondage. those wrist coils were waiting. i prepare for the next step by getting on my back and arching it up using my legs.

i shove my arms under the chest strap. with this limited arm movement, i begin to manuever the wrist coil into position. i locate the positions of the pull cord and the cinch noose. then i put my left wrist under the waist belt, and get it into position by grabbing the wrist coil and running my left wrist into it. then i take the slack side of the coil and work it through the cinch noose. now i have to turn the vibrating eggs on. using my right hand, which is still free except for the chest strap going over my right arm, i quickly locate the vibrator control which is buried in spandex at my thigh and crank up the control to full blast. quickly now, before i have a premature orgasm, i slip my right wrist underneath the waist belt, locate the wrist coil, and slip my free wrist into it backwards, whereby i twist my right hand (causing a figure 8 in the wrist coil) and have myself in the perfect position for pulling the cinch cord. with my left wrist, i locate the pull cord again and begin shortening the distance between my wrists and my ankles. then i pull my ankles away from my wrists, causing the cinch noose to tighten around the intersection in the figure-8 wrist coils. i then take up some of the remaining slack by yanking on the pull cord with my left hand. i am now in a very strict hogtie, with only a few inches separating my ankles and my wrists, and the buzzing in my groin is building me up for a tremendous orgasm at just the right moment.

before i continue, i must mention that the wrist coil that i am using is a wrist coil that i have used over and over again to do safe hogties. i also have a pair of scissors a few feet away, so in case of an emergency, i can cut myself free. the way i've made the wrist coil safe is by adjusting its length such that it can effectively hold my wrists in the middle of a hogtie, but if i struggle enough and use my right hand to pull against the cinch noose, the cinch noose will slide just enough to the left so i can work my right hand free. add to this the fact that rope is rather slippery when it is wrapped around spandex, and that during these sessions my entire body including my hands and wrists are covered in spandex, and you've got an escape mechanism that i've been using for over a year now with no failures, ever.

until now.

so there i am, struggling against the hogtie. my spandex-covered body is starting to sweat immediately, and my breaths increase in frequency. i can feel the buzzing of my groin rapidly working its way to orgasm, and i tug harder against my bonds in antipation. my nipples begin to burn from their torment. i clench my jaw against my gag. in this situation, the onslaught of an orgasm is better felt when every part of my being is struggling against it. the parts of my body that i can move can feel only the limits of the ropes and the body-hugging semi-bondage of the spandex garments which contain them. and then the orgasm comes; i moan in protest into the large rubber ball preventing me from articulating my protest and pleasure. my fingers extend to their maximum... i can even feel my toes tightening up. it is as if a strong electrical current is running through me to cause such pleasure as this, and the only way my body can react is by testing ALL of the limits of my bondage.

the orgasm comes in crashing waves, the first being the most intense. the buzzing of the plastic eggs in my groin seems in time with the waves of my self-inflicted orgasm. i can feel the waves starting to subside, which is my cue to begin looking for an escape... without an escape, i would be forced to endure perpetual vibration (or at least until the batteries run out :)

i pull against my wrist coil with the intent to remove my right hand and begin removing my bondage after turning off the vibrator. however, the wrist cord wasn't giving me any slack at all. i tried some more times in vain, and i just can't seem to get enough slack to remove my right hand from the hogtie. then i start to panic, because i realize that i've been in this type of bondage before and the most common thing that happens is that my hands begin to lose strength and feeling due to the way the ropes and straps are pressing against my muscles and nerves. i've gotten into forced hogties before where the only way out was with a knife or scissors placed at some great distance from where i was bound, but in those cases, i don't bind myself as strictly for fear of the very danger of numb hands. the chest strap and waist strap tend to exponentially increase my succeptibility to numbing, so i only use it in situations where i know i'm not going to be in bondage for long.

in this case, however, i expected that i'd be able to remove my wrist coils as i have always been able to do so in the past, so naturally, i apply more bondage to intensify the experience because i can get out of it easily when i want to. but this wasn't happening; my wrists were leashed, seemingly permanently, to my ankles. i then begin to lose feeling in my hands. i struggle even harder against the bondage, knowing that if i succumbed to being forced to use the scissors to cut my hands, my hands would be too numb at that point to grip and utilize the scissors effectively.

i pull and i pull; the coil is still not yielding. another wave of panic washes over me, and the numbess is growing in my hands. i can barely move my hands now. i can feel all of the rational problem-solving thoughts in my brain being washed away by the sheer panic and claustrophobia of the situation - the complete wrapping job that i had done added to the horror of being unable to do anything to prevent my hands from being rendered useless. my breathing is now rapid, and i'm bursting moans into my gag; screaming but mostly what comes out is only the dull waah-waah of a voice being muffled. i can feel the sweat washing over my skin, and it feels like a furnace in that three-layered spandex hood. i feel like i am going to choke and die. so i begin to work my way to the scissors, which were not very far away (only a few feet) but the distance felt like miles. i got about halfway to them. the buzzing of the vibrator was still trapping my groin in its effects, and the intensity of the situation yielded me to another orgasm; not quite as intense as the first, but enough to bring me to yet another plane of a combination of panic and pleasre. as that orgasm subsided, i again tried to pull on my bonds to free up some slack to remove my right hand. zero success. i continue to manuever towards the scissors, using my knees and my chest to push me inch-by-inch into position. i got to where i believed the scissors to be and i could not find them. the thing about being in a hogtie as tight as the one i was in, is that your reach is not sufficient for finding objects without sight. you have to re-position your entire body to make sure your hands get into the right position to grab a particular object. in my case, i eventually got into the right position to grab the scissors, since i had used my feet to feel for them as i scooted myself across the carpet. this was a major success, but i was still extremely helpless, and again i submitted to yet another orgasm, even smaller in intensity than the first, but still very noticeable. meanwhile, any movement i can accomplish with my fingers and my hands takes an unreal amount of concentration and strength. so i'm still panicking; i moan even loader into the gag - i'm even trying to call for help. with the earplugs, i could only hear a dull remnant of my voice. slobber began to trickle out of my mouth and my breathing became what felt at the time to be hyperventilation.

i work with the scissors with no success. my hands are way too numb to get them into position, let alone to actually push them hard enough to cause them to cut anything. so i attempt to unravel the ring device. prying the rings apart with my rings, i work the pull cord back through the rings and then pull on the rings with my ankles... after some determination, my hogtie is over, and i believe my situation to be improving, but it is not because i cannot free myself from the chest/waist straps, and the other bonds are still limiting my movement. i am still helplessly bound, except that now, i can stretch out my legs. my movement is still extremely limited. i continue to work with the scissors; groping at every possible angle with my nearly-disabled hands, sliding them open, sticking one blade of the scissors to and fro trying to find a purchase in my wrist coil, attempting to squeeze with my limp, lifeless hands. no success. exasperated, i rest and moan a few more pathetic moans into the rubber in my mouth. thoughts ran through my head, extremely pessimistic thoughts; thoughts of death by suffocation... thoughts of my lifeless body wrapped in extreme perversion being discovered after a few days... thoughts of being the next statistic on the pages of medical journals detailing the cases deaths-by-self-bondage... families, friends, loved ones in shock by such a horrible demise.

i keep trying with the scissors, half concentrating, half praying. this was the most extreme frustration; a long attempt to insert the scissors in the right position, simply to fail because my fingers could not summon enough strength to grasp the handles. attempt after attempt, failures. i get the scissors inserted between the wrist coils, and it feels like i completely missed the target. using the weight of my body, i press my lower back against the blades. nothing. desperate, dark panic settled. i tried to figure out a way to restore life into my numb hands. i couldn't move a muscle to relieve them. complete and utter helplessness, of which i had never felt before. after those three orgasms, obviously i was not having a good time. i did not have anything to pull against since i removed the ring device from my predicament, so my last recourse was the scissors, or the equivalent divine intervention necessary to free me from my self- inflicted hell.

after pressing my back into the scissors, sensing failure, and resting to ponder my fate for some moments, i began to struggle yet again. i try pulling my wrists apart from one another, and with surprise, the wrist coil gives up and my hands are free. such relief i had never felt to any degree in the past - seems as if a similar feeling could be obtained by being chased by a murderer, and finally going into a hidden room and locking a hidden door, with the murderer steaming past you to be lost forever somewhere.

the freeing of my wrist bonds sealed my survival of the predicament. i could barely remove the rest of my bonds due to the numbness and weakness of my hands. i managed to turn off the vibrator, which at that point was a very inconsequential physical feeling compared to sheer panic... but futher bonds would have to wait for my hands to regain strength. so i lay there, thanking god for letting me live, and waited for some feeling to return to my wrists. the blood coursed back in, but my muscles were still very weak. i manage to remove the scraps of my wrist bondage from my remaining wrist, and slide my arms out of the web straps. removing the web straps, i attempt to remove my leg bindings, but my strength had not returned. i lay there longer, knowing that i was free at last and that it was no longer possible for me to incur further harm upon myself. my mind slipped away to napping which siezed me like a predator; my thoughts swallowed up by notions of regret and stupidity for getting myself into that situation. "never again!" i husklily, wearily whispered to myself, deriding myself for what should never have happened. i awake later, and languidly finish the job of removing my remaining bonds. everything i removed was drenched in sweat and smelled of musk. it was such a delight to finally strip myself of those burdens and succumb to napping.

in retrospect, i feel that i panicked WAY too prematurely. the real danger was permanent nerve damage and possible suffocation from the gag. i could've probably endured the bondage for a very long time, but it still probably would've gotten more difficult to apply the scissors to free myself. still, the panic came directly from me feeling that my hands were becoming numb and weak. without my hands, i could not possibly remove myself from the bondage, and it still feels like luck that delivered me from my predicament. while operating the scissors, my hands felt as though i was trying to tie my shoes with two pillows. the numbness forced me to concentrate on getting the scissors into position by using a combination of the remaining strength of my hands and motions of my body.

the moral of this story: the best laid plans can and will fail. in my case, a type of bondage that i had done 100% successfully and repeatedly, failed miserably to provide me with escape, in that my assumptions of being able to remove my wrists from the wrist coil proved to be false. always prepare for the worst, since if you are in self-bondage you are trying to get yourself, willfully, into the most helpless bondage you can endure. it's quite obvious that doing so without proper preparation is asking for trouble. like any other dangerous sport, take self-bondage safety issues seriously, and don't push yourself where you don't want to go if you don't have a safety net, no matter what your genitals are telling you that you should do.

thanks for reading this! please send me any comments that you may have.

- helpless