Hey, Hey, Hey by Dan Dofogh

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Here's another verse, same as the first...
Just another story, not quite so gory...
A tiny little tale that won't leave you pale...

(Dan Dofogh, 1998)

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Hey hey ho ho, Snicka-snicka-snick. Look ma! I'm upside-down!

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Karen flicked her head from the left side to the right side, but some strands of hair still drifted down across her nose. It tickled. Ironic that such a minor tickle required some major effort to relieve it.

She was in a modified form of self-bondage hogtie based on the "Super Hogtie". That had such a nice ring to it. The photos made it look so easy. Nice round loops with a seperate cinch slipped over the loop before the cinch was tightened. Easy, secure and real. Perfect.

The tie she'd found on a self-bondage website, where she also found letters, techniques and some very handy warnings. Self-bondage is tricky to do and pretty dangerous if anything goes wrong. Karen's a smart girl, she has multiple safety techniques j-u-s-t i-n c-a-s-e. Better to live to tie another day, right?

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Just one leg in front of the other, no rush. Gee, look at my legs! Glad I don't have to shave them like what's-her-name!

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Let's rewind back twenty minutes: Karen has just pulled out her "equipment", laying it on her loungeroom floor. There's some clothesline for her ankles and a cloth belt for her thighs. Sitting down on the edge of the lounge, she binds her ankles, sending a loop or two under the instep to trap her shoes as well before knotting the cinch rope securely. Next, a cloth belt for above her knees. The belt has a little give in it, so that when she bends her ankles back to her wrists, the give in the belt will still allow blood flow.

There's no ropes on her upper body. Yet. Karen wraps loops behind her back and in front of her shoulders, making a harness to use as a basis for the elbow loop next. Once the harness is loosely in place, she makes sure everything else is in place: handcuffs, elbow loop & cinch, blue ballgag, knife on floor on other side of room and second knife in sight in spare bedroom. Answering machine on, door locked, friend coming over in two hours time. Phew!

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Geez, how big is this roof??? I sure feel light-headed. Snicka-snicka-snick

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Once she's sure that all is in place and no "suprises" are going to happen, Karen prepares her handcuffs, slipping them through the back thong of her pink G-string. The blue orb is settled behind her teeth, the nubs of the ball resting on her tongue.

Karen then prepares her elbow loop. Cinch rope around the middle of the loop, loose end of cinch rope up through the gap between her back and the rope harness. She then wiggles the loop up her arms behind her back, over her elbows. From here, all she has to do is gradually pull on the loose end of the dangling rope and let the rope bring her flexible arms closer together. When she's happy, she can reach down and clumsily tie the dangling end to her ankle bonds before cuffing her wrists and flopping over onto her side like a big sack-a-spuds. Dignified and sexual, definitely not!

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Maybe I'll drop down and see if any flies are hanging around. Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can!

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"Oof!", Karen thought as the sack-a-spuds hit the floor. "There must be a better way of doing that!"

She rolled over onto her stomach and tested her bonds. Nothing overly tight, everything nice and secure. The cinch rope between her ankles and elbows was exerting a nice pressure. She rubbed her gagged mouth on the carpet, pressing the ball deeper into her mouth to rub both top and bottom lips on the carpet for the sensation. Today she'd deliberately pulled the ball straps tight, and there might be a slight mark on her cheeks this afternoon. Last week at lunch Denise had noticed a mark on her cheek and made a comment about it. Karen had laughed it off as a scratch, but if only Denise knew!

Now to wiggle across the floor to grab the knife to cut the ropes and get free. The longer Karen took or the harder she worked the more likely she was to leave marks on her skin for Denise to see later that afternoon. The secret was to be calm and steady, rash and fast didn't cut the cheese here.

First step then, get the feeling of the ropes. Karen rolled to her side, then wrenched herself up onto her back, folding her legs underneath her. She looked up directly into the multi-eyed, multi-legged visage of a huge spider hanging a few feet above her face.

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Second floor designer webs, nests and dusty crevices. Next floor Ground, going down!

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"Mmmpphhh! Aaaooooww!". Karen bucked and squirmed, rolling onto her side. Behind her, the spider dropped the last foot or so onto the carpet. It sat low on its haunches, before scuttling an inch, stopping, then scuttling past the skyscraper-sized fleshy hip, touching it with a hairy leg as it went past.

Once Karen had rolled onto her side, she couldn't see it anymore. But it was on the floor directly behind her. Aaargh! And here she was, bound and gagged and unable to move! What if she rolled ONTO it, for Christs' sake?!? She was too scared to move, but still managed a little tremor as she felt it touch her hip on its travels past.

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Hey, this place is dead, man! Where's the food? Hey, check out that dark corner over there! Hey, hey!

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After a few minutes, Karen's heart had slowed its beats from three hundred per minute to about two hundred and fifty. Enough for her to gather her wits and realise her predicament. She'd elbow-tied herself, hogtied and ball-gagged herself wearing only a pink G-string and black heels, and she'd just been terrified by a spider. A big, brown, hairy mother of a spider! The story of a lifetime and who could she tell THIS story to? No-one! How do you spell "irony"?

She started inching her way across the loungeroom floor towards the waiting escape knife. In the cupboard under the sink was a big black can of insect spray. "Tell me punk, do you feel lucky?" she thought.

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Note - No animals were harmed in the writing of this story,
only professional stunt-spiders were used.
This story was for all the arachnophobes out there (including me).

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01.02.04