panic session - by helpless
i had an interesting self-bondage session earlier in the week, in which
i discovered that the best-laid plans and the most regular of habits
can backfire and cause lots of physical and mental anguish. however,
despite the panic i experienced during this session, i had three
back-to-back orgasms, which i will have much trouble replicating in the
future. my perversion compels me to make my actions known in some way;
in this case, i feel i should communicate what went wrong and why it felt
SO GOOD, and at the same time why self-bondage can suddenly become
dangerous. this is my account of how this happened to me, and all
elements of this account are true.
it was a pretty large recipe, and is as follows:
special garments for my body:
- ankle-length long-sleeved black turtlenecked spandex unitard
- long-sleeved footed, gloved black spandex unitard
- two white nylon-lycra thick-high stockings (to serve as a thick yet breathable hood)
- a ballgag that i modified to have the ring device on one end so i can vary the tightness of the ballgag in my mouth
- rubber earplugs
- four lengths of rope to be made into coils for various locations on my legs
- one ring device
- one cinch noose
- one wrist coil
- two web straps with adjustable buckles
- one pair of rubber-tipped small nipple clamps
- one pair of wooden clothespins
my typical self-bondage session, which i have done many times, is designed
to allow me to be in strict hogtie-bondage for a while until my maturbatory
aids do their work and bring me to orgasm; then, i can wriggle and remove
myself from bondage. i am bound long enough to feel helpless and enjoy
an orgasm, but immediately afterwards i can free myself with some effort.
- two small strips of duct tape
- battery-powered egg vibrator. it has two vibrating plastic eggs,
which are about an inch-and-a-half long each
first, i get naked and prepare the masturbation implements, which will
bring me to an orgasm while i am encased in spandex and bound in a very
tight, very satisfying hogtie. i take a foot-long strip of duct tape
and tear it lengthwise into two equally sized, smaller strips. bringing
myself to erection, i use the two strips of duct tape to mount the
two vibrating eggs on opposite sides of my penis... one goes in front, the
other goes in back. i forcefully strap them to my penis, guaranteeing
that my penis will undergo serious vibrations while i am bound. the wires
coming off the two vibrating eggs lead to the vibrator's controller, which
is basically a slider that i can vary the strength of vibrations with.
the vibrator takes two double-A batteries and is capable of producing
incredible sensations in my groin. i test the slider and feel the wondrous
vibrations of the eggs, and in verifying this, i proceed to the next
next, i begin wrapping myself in spandex. the first garment is a black
turtleneck spandex unitard, which covers every part of my body save for
my hands, feet, and head. it zippers up in the back. i love spandex
bodywear because it adds extra sensations to the standard sensations of
bondage. the tightness of the garment yields to the movement of my
body, and slithers over my flesh like a giant gentle hand. i enter the
unitard, but i save the zippering up of the back until later, since i am
going to save the nipple clamps until i get the ropes in place... i place
the control for the vibrating eggs beneath the spandex that tightly covers
my legs... specifically, i place the control between the spandex garment
and my thigh in a spot that i cannot access while hogtied, nor can i rub
against the carpet to adjust the vibration setting. once i am bound,
i will not be able to turn off the vibrating eggs until i have removed
myself from the hogtie.
to add to the cocoon-like sensations of spandex, i begin to put on yet
another black spandex unitard, but this on covers my feet, arms, AND head.
i enter the garment up to my waist, and save my torso for later, since i
will need to add the nipple clamps before finishing off the spandex
the next step is to bind my legs together and incorporate the ring device.
i wrap a coil of rope around my ankles, and as i pass the rope between my
ankles to cinch the bind, i place the ring device between my ankles such
that the ring device is secured between my ankles. makes for
a tighter hogtie. then i attach the cinch rope to the ring device... now
i have a pull cord and a cord which has a noose on one end, with the ring
device in between the two. pulling on the pull cord draws the noose
cord towards my ankles; thus, when i am hogtied, i will be able to force my
wrists closer to my ankles and it will remain cinched until i am released.
i then bind my legs together with three more ropes; one right below my knees,
one right above my knees, and one cinching my thighs together. my legs
are now essentially transfored into one giant, clumsy leg. i can bend my
legs at my knees, but i cannot move them apart. i cannot ignore the feel
of my binds, but their placement is comfortable, so i proceed onward.
i continue to work my way up -- the next step is adding the small
rubber-tipped nipple clamps to my nipples. at this point i am rather
excited and i don't notice the pain, so i add the clothespins to the
small clamps such that the mouths of the clothespins cover the mouths
of the smaller rubber-tipped clamps. this has the effect of doubling
the clamping sensation in my nipples... and later, while i am writhing
about on the floor, i can feel the clamps tugging and pulling on my nipples
due to the strange shapes of clamps rubbing about on the floor at odd
angles. now that the nipple clamps are in place on my bare nipples, i cover
them up by finishing up the zipping up of the back zipper of the first
black unitard i had donned. i could feel the clamps being pressed into
place by the fabric. needless to say, this excited me further.
now it's time for the head-related stuff. i attach my red rubber ball gag.
it has a ring device on one end. i have gotten dextrous enough to wind
the proper windings in order to cause the ring device to tighten
the rope that binds the gag to my face; thus, i can tug on the free end of
the cord and the ring device slides further down the rope, tightening in
its occupation of my mouth.
i begin to add to the deprivation of my senses (a pursuit not unlike
meditation, except that instead of focusing on life goals or self-improvement,
you end up focusing on pure bound lust and eroticism, and you begin to
occupy a strange world while you are bound. the agony and silence of
being bound intensify the sensual experience of anything that is happening
to you. in my case, the buzzing vibrations of the plastic eggs focus
their efforts in my groin and the only way i can measure that is through
the feelings that i obtain from there. all other input has been blocked by
my own acts of self-bondage, and the result is indescribable bliss.)
i find my rubber ear plugs and stuff them into my ears, and i can feel
the world's sound melting away and all i can hear is my own breathing
and my own heartbeat.
i grab the two white thigh-high nylon-lycra stockings and shove them over
my head. this makeshift hood intensifies the effects of the gag and the
ear plugs, and helps to complete the cocooning effects of the spandex
garments. i can see through the stockings but with limited success since
they are partially blocking my sight.
i intend to put myself into a hogtie, but more binding is needed. i grab
the two adjustable web straps, which i have pre-adjusted for this occasion,
and lock them in place. the web straps are basically straps of nylon webbing
with an adjustable buckle on one end. the other end of the strap snaps into
this adjustable buckle, and is a very convenient way to bind something
in a hurry. i take the first web strap, loop it around my waist, and snap
the buckle closed. this waist belt has just barely enough room for me to
shove my wrists through it behind me. the second belt goes around my chest,
leaving only enough room for me to shove my arms through it. the effect
is that when i am hogtied, the waist belt holds my wrists against my waist,
and the chest belt holds my arms at my sides.
at this point, i am encased in spandex, ropes are binding my legs together,
the ring-device contraption at my ankles is waiting for my willing wrists,
my senses are deprived, my communication is blocked, my ears are deaf, and
my nipples are in pleasureable pain. the waist rope and chest rope
do not hold my arms at this point. before getting into the hogtie, however,
i complete my hood by taking the spandex hood attached to the outer
unitard (the one with gloved hands and feet) and cover my head with it.
my view becomes darker, but i can still make out a shape here and there.
now it was time to complete the bondage. those wrist coils were waiting.
i prepare for the next step by getting on my back and arching it up using
i shove my arms under the chest strap. with this limited arm movement,
i begin to manuever the wrist coil into position. i locate the positions
of the pull cord and the cinch noose. then i put my left wrist under
the waist belt, and get it into position by grabbing the wrist coil and
running my left wrist into it. then i take the slack side of the coil
and work it through the cinch noose. now i have to turn the vibrating eggs
on. using my right hand, which is still free except for the chest strap
going over my right arm, i quickly locate the vibrator control which is
buried in spandex at my thigh and crank up the control to full blast.
quickly now, before i have a premature orgasm, i slip my right wrist
underneath the waist belt, locate the wrist coil, and slip my free wrist
into it backwards, whereby i twist my right hand (causing a figure 8
in the wrist coil) and have myself in the perfect position for
pulling the cinch cord. with my left wrist, i locate the pull cord again
and begin shortening the distance between my wrists and my ankles.
then i pull my ankles away from my wrists, causing the cinch noose to
tighten around the intersection in the figure-8 wrist coils. i then take
up some of the remaining slack by yanking on the pull cord with my left
hand. i am now in a very strict hogtie, with only a few inches separating
my ankles and my wrists, and the buzzing in my groin is building me up
for a tremendous orgasm at just the right moment.
before i continue, i must mention that the wrist coil that i am using
is a wrist coil that i have used over and over again to do safe hogties.
i also have a pair of scissors a few feet away, so in case of an
emergency, i can cut myself free.
the way i've made the wrist coil safe is by adjusting its length such that
it can effectively hold my wrists in the middle of a hogtie, but if i
struggle enough and use my right hand to pull against the cinch noose, the
cinch noose will slide just enough to the left so i can work my right hand
free. add to this the fact that rope is rather slippery when it is wrapped
around spandex, and that during these sessions my entire body including
my hands and wrists are covered in spandex, and you've got an escape
mechanism that i've been using for over a year now with no failures,
so there i am, struggling against the hogtie. my spandex-covered body
is starting to sweat immediately, and my breaths increase in frequency.
i can feel the buzzing of my groin rapidly working its way to orgasm,
and i tug harder against my bonds in antipation. my nipples begin to
burn from their torment. i clench my jaw against my gag. in this
situation, the onslaught of an orgasm is better felt when every part
of my being is struggling against it. the parts of my body that i can
move can feel only the limits of the ropes and the body-hugging semi-bondage
of the spandex garments which contain them. and then the orgasm comes;
i moan in protest into the large rubber ball preventing me from articulating
my protest and pleasure. my fingers extend to their maximum... i can even
feel my toes tightening up. it is as if a strong electrical current is
running through me to cause such pleasure as this, and the only way my
body can react is by testing ALL of the limits of my bondage.
the orgasm comes in crashing waves, the first being the most intense.
the buzzing of the plastic eggs in my groin seems in time with the waves
of my self-inflicted orgasm. i can feel the waves starting to subside,
which is my cue to begin looking for an escape... without an escape,
i would be forced to endure perpetual vibration (or at least until
the batteries run out :)
i pull against my wrist coil with the intent to remove my right hand and
begin removing my bondage after turning off the vibrator. however,
the wrist cord wasn't giving me any slack at all. i tried some more
times in vain, and i just can't seem to get enough slack to remove
my right hand from the hogtie. then i start to panic, because i realize
that i've been in this type of bondage before and the most common thing
that happens is that my hands begin to lose strength and feeling due
to the way the ropes and straps are pressing against my muscles and nerves.
i've gotten into forced hogties before where the only way out was with a
knife or scissors placed at some great distance from where i was bound,
but in those cases, i don't bind myself as strictly for fear of the
very danger of numb hands. the chest strap and waist strap tend to
exponentially increase my succeptibility to numbing, so i only use it in
situations where i know i'm not going to be in bondage for long.
in this case, however, i expected that i'd be able to remove my wrist
coils as i have always been able to do so in the past, so naturally,
i apply more bondage to intensify the experience because i can
get out of it easily when i want to. but this wasn't happening; my wrists
were leashed, seemingly permanently, to my ankles. i then begin to lose
feeling in my hands. i struggle even harder against the bondage, knowing
that if i succumbed to being forced to use the scissors to cut my hands,
my hands would be too numb at that point to grip and utilize the scissors
i pull and i pull; the coil is still not yielding. another wave of panic
washes over me, and the numbess is growing in my hands. i can barely
move my hands now. i can feel all of the rational problem-solving
thoughts in my brain being washed away by the sheer panic and
claustrophobia of the situation - the complete wrapping job that i had
done added to the horror of being unable to do anything to prevent
my hands from being rendered useless. my breathing is now rapid,
and i'm bursting moans into my gag; screaming but mostly what comes out
is only the dull waah-waah of a voice being muffled. i can feel the sweat
washing over my skin, and it feels like a furnace in that three-layered
spandex hood. i feel like i am going to choke and die. so i begin
to work my way to the scissors, which were not very far away (only a few
feet) but the distance felt like miles. i got about halfway to them.
the buzzing of the vibrator was still trapping my groin in its effects,
and the intensity of the situation yielded me to another orgasm; not
quite as intense as the first, but enough to bring me to yet another
plane of a combination of panic and pleasre. as that orgasm subsided,
i again tried to pull on my bonds to free up some slack to remove my
right hand. zero success. i continue to manuever towards the scissors,
using my knees and my chest to push me inch-by-inch into position. i got
to where i believed the scissors to be and i could not find them. the
thing about being in a hogtie as tight as the one i was in, is that your
reach is not sufficient for finding objects without sight. you have to
re-position your entire body to make sure your hands get into the right
position to grab a particular object. in my case, i eventually got into
the right position to grab the scissors, since i had used my feet to feel
for them as i scooted myself across the carpet. this was a major success,
but i was still extremely helpless, and again i submitted to yet another
orgasm, even smaller in intensity than the first, but still very noticeable.
meanwhile, any movement i can accomplish with my fingers and my hands takes
an unreal amount of concentration and strength. so i'm still panicking;
i moan even loader into the gag - i'm even trying to call for help.
with the earplugs, i could only hear a dull remnant of my voice.
slobber began to trickle out of my mouth and my breathing became what felt
at the time to be hyperventilation.
i work with the scissors with no success. my hands are way too numb to get
them into position, let alone to actually push them hard enough to cause
them to cut anything. so i attempt to unravel the ring device. prying
the rings apart with my rings, i work the pull cord back through the rings
and then pull on the rings with my ankles... after some determination,
my hogtie is over, and i believe my situation to be improving, but it is not
because i cannot free myself from the chest/waist straps, and the other bonds
are still limiting my movement. i am still helplessly bound, except
that now, i can stretch out my legs. my movement is still extremely limited.
i continue to work with the scissors; groping at every possible angle with
my nearly-disabled hands, sliding them open, sticking one blade of the
scissors to and fro trying to find a purchase in my wrist coil, attempting
to squeeze with my limp, lifeless hands. no success. exasperated,
i rest and moan a few more pathetic moans into the rubber in my mouth.
thoughts ran through my head, extremely pessimistic thoughts;
thoughts of death by suffocation... thoughts of my lifeless body wrapped
in extreme perversion being discovered after a few days... thoughts of
being the next statistic on the pages of medical journals detailing
the cases deaths-by-self-bondage... families, friends, loved ones in shock
by such a horrible demise.
i keep trying with the scissors, half concentrating, half praying. this
was the most extreme frustration; a long attempt to insert the scissors in
the right position, simply to fail because my fingers could not summon
enough strength to grasp the handles. attempt after attempt, failures.
i get the scissors inserted between the wrist coils, and it feels like
i completely missed the target. using the weight of my body, i press my
lower back against the blades. nothing. desperate, dark panic settled.
i tried to figure out a way to restore life into my numb hands. i couldn't
move a muscle to relieve them. complete and utter helplessness, of which
i had never felt before. after those three orgasms, obviously i was not
having a good time. i did not have anything to pull against since i removed
the ring device from my predicament, so my last recourse was the scissors,
or the equivalent divine intervention necessary to free me from my self-
after pressing my back into the scissors, sensing failure, and resting to
ponder my fate for some moments, i began to struggle yet again. i try pulling
my wrists apart from one another, and with surprise, the wrist coil gives up
and my hands are free. such relief i had never felt to any degree in the
past - seems as if a similar feeling could be obtained by being chased
by a murderer, and finally going into a hidden room and locking a hidden
door, with the murderer steaming past you to be lost forever somewhere.
the freeing of my wrist bonds sealed my survival of the predicament.
i could barely remove the rest of my bonds due to the numbness and weakness
of my hands. i managed to turn off the vibrator, which at that point
was a very inconsequential physical feeling compared to sheer panic...
but futher bonds would have to wait for my hands to regain strength.
so i lay there, thanking god for letting me live, and waited
for some feeling to return to my wrists. the blood coursed back in,
but my muscles were still very weak. i manage to remove the scraps of
my wrist bondage from my remaining wrist, and slide my arms out of the web
straps. removing the web straps, i attempt to remove my leg bindings,
but my strength had not returned. i lay there longer, knowing that i was
free at last and that it was no longer possible for me to incur further
harm upon myself. my mind slipped away to napping which siezed me like
a predator; my thoughts swallowed up by notions of regret and stupidity
for getting myself into that situation. "never again!" i husklily,
wearily whispered to myself, deriding myself for what should never
have happened. i awake later, and languidly finish the job of removing
my remaining bonds. everything i removed was drenched in sweat and
smelled of musk. it was such a delight to finally strip myself of those
burdens and succumb to napping.
in retrospect, i feel that i panicked WAY too prematurely. the real
danger was permanent nerve damage and possible suffocation from the gag.
i could've probably endured the bondage for a very long time, but it
still probably would've gotten more difficult to apply the scissors
to free myself. still, the panic came directly from me feeling that
my hands were becoming numb and weak. without my hands, i could not
possibly remove myself from the bondage, and it still feels like
luck that delivered me from my predicament. while operating the
scissors, my hands felt as though i was trying to tie my shoes
with two pillows. the numbness forced me to concentrate on
getting the scissors into position by using a combination of the
remaining strength of my hands and motions of my body.
the moral of this story: the best laid plans can and will fail.
in my case, a type of bondage that i had done 100% successfully
and repeatedly, failed miserably to provide me with escape, in that
my assumptions of being able to remove my wrists from the wrist coil
proved to be false.
always prepare for the worst, since if you are in self-bondage you are
trying to get yourself, willfully, into the most helpless bondage
you can endure. it's quite obvious that doing so without proper
preparation is asking for trouble. like any other dangerous sport,
take self-bondage safety issues seriously, and don't push yourself
where you don't want to go if you don't have a safety net, no matter
what your genitals are telling you that you should do.
thanks for reading this! please send
me any comments that you may have.